'Can I be the next team captain?' A bizarre situation and my reaction

Essay Topic #1
Explain how you responded to a problem and/or an unfamiliar situation. What did you do, what was the outcome, and what did you learn from the experience? (maximum 200 words)

An ominous rhythm

When I finally felt secure with my life, and found a familiar rhythm that I was comfortable with; life as I knew it was snatched from me.

I had started my academic life at maple leaf, continuing my education there for eight years. I effectively managed to avoid making new friends by deferring to two close friends and sticking to our small group. I skipped presentation days during project works.

Summer of 2011 my father broke news that we were moving to a new area which meant a new school. Tears welled up in my eyes just by thinking about adjusting to a whole new school. While picking out classes for eighth grade I decided to step out my element and enroll in a debate club.

My heart would start pounding during roll calls'; speaking amongst 20 excellent debaters was on another level of nightmares. Yet I never gave up. With time I stopped reading off my script and made eye contact with the audience. I learnt the importance of interaction which helped increase my self-esteem and establish a sense of self.

Soon, I asked my teammates, something I never imagined myself saying 'Can I be the next team captain?'

Shuprova, while I admire the simplicity of this essay, I question whether it is strong enough to make the impression that is required on the reviewer. The story that you are choosing to present, being a loner with a small group of friends who had to adjust to life in a new city where her family moved is what we call "a dime a dozen", meaning almost everyone in the applicant roster will be sharing some sort of variation on this story. So a we no longer find it impressive once it is given to us for review. What you need to do, if you wish to still use some information from this essay, is focus the essay on the part about joining the debate club in order to overcome your fear of public speaking. You can integrate your move to a new city in this topic if you wish. That will remove the generic sense of your essay by focusing on your problem of public speech instead of the moving to another city theme of your current essay. You will have almost all aspects of the prompt responded to except the "What did you learn from the experience" part. That one, needs a stand alone paragraph describing what you learned from getting over your fear of public speaking.

@shuprova
When the prompt asks you


, then you gotta take the demand of it seriously. Your essay seems extremely common among several related articles I've seen. Think about a major upheaval of your life. Something that was a bit devastating not only for your academic life but also for your beloveds. This way the reader will pay more attention to your article. Please do revise your essay more seriously.

Best.