What makes you happy? My parents' happiness! - Tufts Supplement

Guys, Please help me review my Tufts supplement essay. The word limit is 250 words. Thanks!

What makes you happy?

My parents' happiness! That's what makes me happy.

From the time of my birth, my parents have worked ceaselessly to make me satisfied. They have tended to all my needs, and have selflessly provided all that I ever desired. But, in all these years, there are two moments that are really etched into my memory; my sister's birth and the recent earthquake crisis.

I was eight when my sister was born. I vividly remember my parent's faces at that time. The look of exhilaration and happiness that was clearly visible in their faces....indescribable! Despite the prospect of sharing with a sibling, I was happy because they were happy. And I want to make them happy like that forever.

After the big earthquake of 2015, there was a huge economic crisis in my country. The prices of virtually everything ricocheted. This presented as a huge financial burden for my parents. The sorrow in their faces when the income was barely enough to sustain the family....ineffable! I never want to see another look like that on their faces again.

After all the pain and sorrow that my parents have gone through for me, it's my responsibility to provide them the happiness that they so richly deserve. With high hopes and expectations, they have sacrificed so much to support my education; I am determined to study hard to fulfill their dreams. And, at the end of the day, a smile on their faces will make all the efforts worthwhile.

@harryson
I am not expert or editor. I am more like you who trying to get in college. So I might be wrong. When you consider my comment, please remind yourself I could be wrong. my opinion is purely based on my opinion. For me your essay is cool. Really easy to read, clear and coherent. It shows you care and compassionate about your surrounding and why your parents happiness makes you happy. But I am afraid that the question might ask something different. I mean the question is really tricky. What is the point of knowing what makes you happy? I think the question is trying to see your "fit" in the school. Can you be happy after studying XYZ major at Tufts and immersing yourself in the community? What do you like to do that makes you happy and that could fit in Tufts community, not kind of good characters or valuable experience that is meaningful to you. It is more like your interest in something that could thrive and contribute to Tufts community, so that you can be happy, too. Again. I could be wrong. Except these, your essay is excellent.

Harry, when you say that your parents make you happy, you are making a statement that does not carry a logical sense. Your parents cannot make you happy. Your parents actions make you happy. So there is an error in the formulation of your response. I believe that the response you are trying to offer here is "Seeing my parents happy makes me happy." So the response "My parent's happiness" in your title is correct. However, the representation that you gave it in the essay is not too accurate. The representation should have been one of your personal actions that brings happiness to your parents. That is why your parent's happiness makes you happy. It is akin to saying "My success is my parents success." Therefore, your happiness is your parent's happiness. Your essay focuses too much on information that does not relate to your actions related to your parent's happiness. It would be best if you highlight how you effect the happiness of your parents in a way that makes you happy as well. The stories that you shared remove you from the story development, which means that the essay no longer focuses on your but your parents. So a redirection in the focus of the essay towards your participation in this activity is in order.

Thanks guys! I have made some changes and focused on my actions more. Here is the revised essay:

What makes you happy?

Seeing my parents happy! That's what makes me happy.

I have seen looks of joy and exultation in my parents' faces countless times. But, in all my experiences, there are two moments that are really etched into my memory; my first singing competition and my first presentation.

I was ten when I first took part in a singing competition. I was passionate about music from a very young age. So, I participated in the Singing Competition held in my elementary school. And, I bagged the first prize! The look of exhilaration and happiness in their faces when the results were announced....indescribable! I want to make them happy like that forever.

In my high school, the presentation skills of students were tested through a competition. Having never have done that before, I was uncertain if I should take part. But, my parents fueled me with the confidence that I was in need of. Consequently, I chose "Biochemistry and its scopes"; a topic of my interest and presented to the judges. Surprisingly, I was declared the best! The look of pride in their faces when I was admired by the judges....ineffable! That look propelled me to prosper in my other academic activities.

From these two experiences, I deduced that seeing me flourish in my endeavors, whether academic or extra-curricular, is what makes my parents happy. So, I am determined to work hard in all of my future ventures to provide them the happiness that they so richly deserve.

Harry at the end of the essay, can you add another sentence that says something to the effect of "After all, what makes my parents happy in the end, makes me happiest." Your essay is very well written and developed. It is a unique essay in the sense that your happiness does not come from a selfish reason but rather, a personal reason that allows you to share your happiness with others in your family. I do not believe that you have to edit anything else in this essay. It is already well presented and clearly responds to the prompt by offering up a direct look at how your happiness is created. So all you have to do now is do a final read through of your essay to make sure you are grammatically accurate and you do not have any spelling errors, correct any errors that you feel exist. After that, consider the essay in its final form and ready for submission.

Thank you so much!!