PRACTICAL PHYSICS. This is my Yale essay I was wondering if the first sentence was a catchy one

Reflect on a time in last few years when you felt genuine excitement learning about something (200 words or fewer)

practical physics

Calculate the time it takes for the pendulum to move 20 oscillations each for the varying lengths of the string and hence plot a graph of period against length. We were in second year in high school and this was the first time we had physics practical. I had studied the theory for year without entering the laboratory. It was now time to prove the amazing facts I had studied for a year. I was so ecstatic.

The class started with simple harmonic motion; we were to conduct an experiment and prove the relationship between the period of an oscillating pendulum and its length. I always found physics class interesting, but to enter the laboratory was to enter a world of proof and no controversy. Proving some of the greatest facts is unlike any other. Conducting these experiments, I felt like "whoa I'm actually doing what the likes of Einstein and Newton did many years ago to come out with these mind racking discoveries."

My love for the subject and its practicalities has made the laboratory a second home to me. A place where I can someday achieve greatness. A sanctuary where I may someday come up with a Nobel winning discovery

the words are 202/200

"Calculate the time it takes for the pendulum to move 20 oscillations for the varying string lengths; plot a graph of period against length."

Personally, I had to read the first sentence a few times to understand its meaning. Maybe divide it into two parts (do not take my word for it though :)), and make it a paragraph of its own.

"We were in second year in high school ..."

I was in the second year of high school. Despite having studied ... theories for months, this was my first time to participate in a lab...I was ecstatic about finally putting everything I had learned to use.

and...maybe changing the "woah" or add some punctuations in that thought.

Love the essay's idea though. Good luck!

Abdul, for this essay, it would be best to just go direct to the point and say that you were excited about the first time that you entered the Physics laboratory. The first sentence that you have is not really helping the essay because it does not have any backstory before you present the activity. So it would be better if you don't use that sentence anymore. I don't really feel like the essay conveys a true moment of excitement because you went from discussing the lab work to your general opinion of Physics learning. If I were the one developing this essay, I would have focused more of my excitement about learning on the first time I entered the Physics lab. That way I would be able to actually present the excitement that I felt at finally being able to put the theories I learned in the classroom into practice within the confines of the laboratory. That seems to be the best way to share the correct excitement that you have with the reviewer.

Your first paragraph sounds like you are giving a physics lecture and asking your students questions. What fascinated you, was it the pendulum? And you cannot say that plotting a graph is exciting to you. Let me try to create an illustration: the first time I went into the chemistry lab, wearing my lab coat and preparing for practical, I can't say that my excitement was going into the lab for the first time (though I was excited going into the lab for the first time but I can't say I learnt anything just walking into the lab), there was excitement when I walked into the lab in my lab coat but the real and genuine excitement was when I started mixing all those chemicals learning that: Blue litmus paper turns red under acidic conditions and red litmus paper turns blue under basic or alkaline conditions, with the color change occurring over the pH range 4.5-8.3 at 25 °C (77 °F). Neutral litmus paper is purple. Litmus can also be prepared as an aqueous solution that functions similarly.

So if I am to write with this prompt, my genuine excitement was mixing the chemicals cause I also saw a practical demonstration of what I always read in books and I also learnt more in the lab.

So approach your essay in this manner describing what that real excitement and true learning was rather than giving the reviewer a lecture on simple harmonic motion.

@AlwaysL8

Hi AlwaysL8,

Although, you refer the activity in your first sentence as "Physics practical" but the activity seems to be "Calculation". I don't think a calculation activity would be a good fit for "practical" use of Physics. Maybe you should have used an "experiment" for that purpose. Therefore, with this format, I don't believe it's a catchy one.