I transferred into UConn from a small school. Applying for readmission essay

I am applying for readmission and would love for any feedback. I realize that it may seem that this needs to be very formal but my advisor said to put some personality into it because it makes it more relatable. This is my first draft so it's really rough. Any help would be much appreciated! Thanks in advance!

Readmission College Essay

In the fall of 2015 I transferred into UConn from a small school, not really knowing what to expect. The transition was hard but even harder for me was both my mental and physical health that declined from then on. My health issues have always been an issue for me and I've struggled when I consistently hear that doctors aren't exactly sure how to prevent these issues or what exactly they are. I try to keep a positive attitude and lift others up even when I am down but missing many classes due to illness kept pushing me deeper into a hole that I could not dig myself out of.

Another obstacle that I faced was an increase in the level of my anxiety, which also lead to very bad depression. I did not know how to deal with either of these problems and often would find it difficult to find motivation to do nearly anything.

Having taken off from school in the spring semester of 2017, I took some time to better myself in all aspects of my life. I have learned to surround myself with positive people who help to better myself and push me both personally and academically; people who will support me and help me keep on track in academics and in life. These people have included friends, family, and even staff at UConn who have helped me in identifying areas I struggle with and finding academic support resources to help me improve those areas.

I have also sought out psychological help and have a psychologist who is helping me to better manage my anxiety and depression. This has helped a lot in improving my outlook on life and has given me the tools I need to help cope with any issues that may arise.

One major problem that I had to deal with occured during the summer when I went to sign up for summer classes. I had talked with my parents and decided that I wanted to sign up for summer classes in order to further my education and show that I was serious about coming back to school. I found out that there was an issue with my loans and could not get one for summer classes. There was an issue on the loan authority's end, which almost ended in my credit being affected but since it was not an issue on my end but rather their end, they were able to resolve it. Unfortunately for me though, this prevented me from taking any classes during the summer. I worked with my advisor at UConn and was luckily able to get back in for the fall semester.

By taking time off from school, I have realized how much school means to me and how derailed I got from myself. I used to love school and more importantly, learning. With being back in classes at UConn as well as taking classes at Manchester Community College, I have been able to fall back in love with learning and have been highly motivated to do well in all of my classes. Although my mental and physical health are not 100% perfect, I can confidently say that I have become much better at managing problems that arise with them. By coming back to school part time, I have been able to dip my toes back in the academic waters without jumping right in.

I am aiming for straight As in all of my classes this semester both at UConn as well as MCC and am feeling good with how well I have been doing. I have had the ability to complete job shadowing under speech therapists, which have allowed me to see that this is the career field that I want to be in. By joining Husky Reads, I have also allowed myself to enter the community as a UConn Husky and hopefully better the lives of preschoolers by teaching them about health literacy and nutrition and the impact they can have on their overall health. I have always been proud to be a UConn Husky and with continued support, I hope to come back full time to UConn and be able to graduate with an undergraduate degree that will then lead me to graduate school to pursue a career in speech pathology.

Rebecca, I understand that this is a draft of the essay, which is why the presentation is still all over the place. You have so many ideas presented here that you need to actually decide which one is more important to present. I would not present the situation with the summer school in this instance since you were not able to attend it anyway and the credit issue doesn't involve the university in any way. I would like you to concentrate instead on explaining the situation regarding your failure to pass the previous semester and how your circumstances have changed since then. If there is a name for your illness then I suggest that you use it. Explain the medical situation in a method that will be supported by the accompanying certificate of health. Your issues seem to be related to mental health so after you present the simple medical explanation of your situation, you can focus on how you started to recover from it. Then explain, in great detail, where you are exactly at your point of recovery now and why this is the best time for you to return to school. Highlight the changes you have made and what the prognosis is for your future as you deal with your illness. That should make the essay more emotionally engaging and hopefully, result in your being considered for readmission.

Try to keep the essay within 5 paragraphs at the most. The longer your essay gets, the less chances you have of the reviewer actually reading it to the end. You need to keep it short by presenting all important elements within the first 2 paragraphs. The rest should only be supporting statements meant to inform the reviewer of your current situation that allows you to go back to school.