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My first name Omowumi, given to me by my mother means: "I love my child" in Yoruba


wumkem 1 / 1  
Sep 26, 2009   #1
Here's my common app essay. I am writing about my name and my culture. Let me know any critiques and advice you have on it. How's the general idea of the essay?

A brunette woman a bit taller than I bumbled over next to me, looking down at the attendance sheet, and said, "Class, I would like to introduce you to Oma-woomayy?" She stopped, read over the paper again and uttered, "Woo-MEYE?" None of her young pupils raised their hands. I looked over at her and shook my head no, signaling she had not pronounced my name correctly. Was it so hard to read my name as it was printed? I quickly whispered into her ear the correct way to say my name, and she announced it as I scurried off to my seat. Situations similar to my first day of school have constantly been apart of my life. My first name Omowumi, given to me by my mother, means, "I love my child" in Yoruba. This name is not only a symbol of my identity but also my Nigerian culture. Like many other teenagers, I've constantly struggled with finding the answer to the question, who is Omowumi? I have always had issues with my identifying myself as an African-American, versus African. Although my passport says I'm an American, I've felt more drawn to calling myself Nigerian or African. Telling others about my Nigerian roots always seemed much more interesting than being simply an American. However, I've never felt completely Nigerian either. Not being able to speak the language, nor participate in regular traditions has made me feel disconnected with my Nigerian roots. By not being able to completely identify with either my American culture, verses my Nigerian cultures, makes it difficult to check the box, signifying my ethnicity or racial makeup.

Despite the simplicity of my name, people have always seemed to struggle with articulating it. Most people's names represent their family's background and possible identity. Although my name has ties with my parent's Nigerian background, I have never truly felt connected with that side of my culture. Even though my name says in Nigerian, I am much more connected with American culture.

After that first day of kindergarten, my parents picked me up and I could smell the spicy aroma of tomato stew and jollof rice seeping through the front porch. Once my mother opened the door, a rush of whiffs of food rushed into my nose. In my mind, I could think of the African drums beating and people singing in an intelligible language. Even as a young adult, all of these basic aspects of Nigerian culture surround me each and everyday, but I still have not been able to connect. By not learning how to speak the native language or cook traditional meals, makes me feel detached from Nigerian heritage.

Understanding my racial identity and culture is important as I move onto a higher education. My personal identity ties into my education because of it helps create a stronger foundation. Because I am the first generation born and raised in the United States, being apart of my true culture is important to me. Knowing the roots of my Nigerian culture not only makes me understand where my family comes from, but also helps future generations understand where their culture originated. As I continue my education, being active in my Nigerian culture will ultimately help me become a better student and person. Since I was born, I've been exposed to American culture but I cannot say I am just American. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter whether I am American or Nigerian, but Omowumi Oladipo.
diiiia 1 / 2  
Sep 26, 2009   #2
This is such a personal essay, I like it!
Couple of things, what's the prompt here? Diversity or identity? I think you should clarify that a little.
A few grammatical things: "Many situations similar to my first day in kindergarten, has happened constantly throughout my life." I might reword this for more eloquence. Many is vague and it should be "have happened"

I would write this sentence in parallel structure "What usually defines a culture is the language, types of food, clothing, social norms and traditions and holidays."

In the conclusion I might tie the cultural identity to higher education, maybe how your own personal diversity ties into education pursuits. Hope it helps!
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Sep 26, 2009   #3
This essay starts very strong but then becomes a bit jumbled. When you talk about Elmo and the pink accessories, for example, I'm not at all sure whether you're referring to past or present. Keep all of the images and anecdotes, just tighten the organization, adding transitions and a conclusion to make it all coherent.
OP wumkem 1 / 1  
Oct 3, 2009   #4
heres the updated version!

READ ABOVE
vlatski /  
Oct 3, 2009   #5
first one got soo boring in the middle.. 2nd one is better far in my opinion
jennyz 6 / 18  
Oct 3, 2009   #6
second one is a lot better
love the end!
i think you connected the beginning and end well.
the essay's very you, and expresses you well too.
so good job!

i really have nothing to correct. :)
catherineb 4 / 9  
Oct 3, 2009   #7
I really like your essay but try to find other ways to say "connect" because it seems a bit reptitive, and also in the last paragraph you mention "Nigerian culture" quite a lot so it just becomes repetitive, try to find other ways to convey what you want to say, but overall a good essay :)


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