Briefly describe the factors that have influenced your interest in studying business.
In casual shorts, I clearly did not belong to the Wall Street in New York City. Buildings there were formidable, with huge columns, and huge glass curtain walls; people never stopped, in black and blue suits, holding a cup of coffee in one hand and a cell phone in the other, talking and frowning. They rushed in and out of the buildings, crossing the street like a swarm of bees when the traffic lights turned green.
I observed a mid-aged black man carefully in the Subway. The man was dressed in a trim black suit, with an exquisite golden tie. He focused on a piece of newspaper when buying his lunch. 'Must be some sort of executive,' I thought, although not quite clear about the definition of an executive. As the man finished the sandwich in amazing high pace, he turned and walked out the door with vigorous and resolute steps, radiating and walking like a president.
I stayed in the centre of Manhattan till the night fell, impressed and fascinated. I, a 12-year-old kid, an elementary school graduate at the age of video games, crashed the ambience of the world financial centre, the centralization of wealth, all in a sudden. It was an earthquake in my life, ever to be remembered.
Standing in front of the Rockefeller Centre, I looked up to get the whole picture of the magnificent and dazzling skyscraper. And then the thought penetrated deeply in my mind: the realization of the huge gap between the world atop and my own position. My eyes sparkled, and a stream of power ignited within my chest. I dreamed, "Someday, I will find my place in such a building."
It has been five years since my global trip, but I can still touch the shock of that exotic impact, and picture my slim body standing in the bustling streets. I value the positions with high salaries I may earn through diligence and creativity, but I value the fulfilment of surpassing gap more; I am facing a huge mountain, and business is my way to the top.
This is the first draft. I focus on one single point rather than several factors. Please leave me some comments and suggestions. Thanks a lot!
Sorry to be so blunt - but it sounds a bit childish to want to study business merely to be an "executive" in Manhattan. There has to be something more to it than that. Where are the other factors? Did nothing else happen to reinforce that first impression?
Perhaps you can give a few more images - global travel as a business executive, controlling the future and fortunes of major companies, etc
Well, actually I wanna emphasize on the impact that trip gave me when I was a kid, but not dream of an executive.
And if there is a dream, I guess an executive in Manhattan simply serves the function of an ideal, a symbol of success.
Do you mean that a trip is not enough to be the motivator on my choice of business? Maybe too superficial and lack of some in-depth thinking about this area??
If so, I guess I need to rewrite it~
Thanks a lot for your incisive suggestion. That helps!!!
Your story from childhood is compelling and well told, with exquisite imagery. Just augment it with some more material about why you now, as an adult, want to study business.
