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Illinois State admissions personal statement - 'I am unique among most people'


kanep123 1 / -  
Oct 27, 2009   #1
I am unique among most people because I am able to excel in many areas. I am talented in the areas of athletics, music, and schooling. I am in the Honors Program at my high school, on the varsity soccer team, in the jazz band, and in the highest orchestra at my school. Since I am able to excel in these areas, I also like them to be my focus outside of school. Outside of school I take bass lessons, I am in the All-City High School Orchestra, and I am also on a club soccer team. I believe that if you want to do your best at something, you have to practice at all times in order to succeed.

In high school I would describe my academic performance as superb. I have never slacked off in any areas of my schooling, and I always have done my best. If I can put my mind to something, and try my hardest, I will always come successful. Throughout high school, the courses that I have always excelled the most in would be history and literature. I am a very creative person, so I have always loved doing projects in school. Whether it was making movies, scale models, or just doing a book report, I was always able to get beyond the best grade possible.

It is important to me that I attend Illinois State University because I think that I will be able to excel and get the most out of my college education. Not many schools offer what I would like to major in. Your school is one of the few in the country that does. I like the fact I would be able to get my college education at a large university. When applying to jobs later in life, it usually looks better when you state that you graduated from a large university. When I am in college I would like to continue playing soccer and music. Your school has a lot of opportunities for that. Another benefit from going to a large university is that you have many different music courses. You school also has a lot of different levels of sports depending on your skill level, or spare time. Another reason that I would like to attend your school is that it is not to far away from Chicago, so I will be able to be close enough to the opportunities that a big city has to offer for music and the business behind it.

I hope to pursue a career in music business. I have always known that I would pursue some sort career in music. I have always loved playing and listening to all different types of music. I first fell in love with music when I started playing the piano at age four. Over the last seventeen years of my life, I have tried to learn as many different instruments that I could. I have played piano, violin, guitar, bass guitar, and upright bass. My main instruments are upright bass and bass guitar. When I was in eighth grade I received a music achievement award. That was when I knew that I was on track to achieving my goal of pursuing a career in music.

In conclusion, I am a great student looking forward to the challenges presented by college education and accomplishing my goals in music. I have enjoyed participating in the extra-curricular activities during my school years, and now I am looking forward to continuing those activities in college as well as joining some new ones. While in college I hope to pursue my musical ambitions as well as continuing with my education.

Please if you can, tell me what you think. Thanks
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Oct 28, 2009   #2
I am unique among most people because I am able to excel in many areas.

How modest of you. I see the rest of the essay goes on in like vein. You are a great student who has lots of extracurricular activities to list on his application. The problem is, they can see how good of a student you are by looking at your transcript, and what else you are involved in by looking over the rest of your application. So, you are bragging needlessly. What do you want the admissions officers to know about you that they can't tell from the rest of the application? How can you show this through a narrative anecdote? Answer these questions, and try again. You should end up with a much stronger essay.


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