Hi Karrin! Welcome to EF!
I think your essay is really well written; I didn't notice any major mistakes in grammar, usage, punctuation, etc... I or another EF member/ contributor can make some edits if you'd like.
However, I'd really like to comment on the content of your essay.
skills that I have gained through my work experience such as confidence, responsibility, and prioritizing.
My success in the program will showcase my commitment, dedication, and ability to learn new skills and ideas in the future
have maintained a leadership role in my current job that has equipped me with maturity, focus, failure, and engagement
As you can see, you are doing a lot of listing of skills, but you're not really describing them or showing us how you got them or why they are beneficial. Simply telling the reader you're all of these things won't do anything if you're not backing it up with concrete images and evidence. For example, you say you were promoted and in a leadership position at that job. What was the job? What did you do that utilized those skills of prioritizing, confidence, and responsibility. Even one or two sentences about leading a team and what your responsibilities were and how you succeeded would effectively demonstrate those skills. Since this essay is all about how you have thrived at your job, going deeper into how you did so would be great.
With "maturity, focus, failure, and engagement," you explain these things a little better. But I think it might be effective to dig even deeper. How have you shown these things in the past specifically. For example, "
I have a warm responsiveness to others that helps me to thrive in culturally diverse settings. This has helped me to succeed in xx job (or at xx company) because I was able to yyy (explanation here of how you used the skill).Also, I'm not sure how well your opening works. Talking about how you were not interested in graduate study might turn your reader off. A more effective opening might be to discuss how you needed speech therapy as a child and why you want to become on yourself. It showcases your motivations well because you discuss wanting to make a difference and that's great! I think it makes you stand out.
Good luck!