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Characterize a personality which has added enthusiasm within your own life


Victoria1 1 / 3 1  
Dec 4, 2016   #1
Right from when I was a child, I have always wanted to be like my mother. She's such a courageous and caring woman. She's a counselor and a career woman. My mother is an accountant and she's brainy, she always tries her best for me to achieve whatever I need to achieve in life. She runs around to assist my father to make ends meet and makes sure I'm perfectly okay.

please, Is this the right way to start my essay?
chizy7 6 / 52 14  
Dec 4, 2016   #2
It would have been much better to have your whole essay. As the response goes, I think to start will be to describe the figure first (your description should be totally relevant to the essay and what you will be writing about throughout the essay)

The middle part should be about you and how your mom has inspired you. And probably shine a light on what you have accomplished by looking up to your mom and then your closure can be merged in a very creative way that will reflect the rest of your life(in regards to the essay)

The intro you provided is great to start by describing your figure but it's too weak. I think your intro should be the stronger than your conclusion and if not stronger than other parts of the essay because you are writing about two different people-the figure and yourself.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,797 4780  
Dec 5, 2016   #3
Okoh, this is a good outline for your essay but it is not the right way to start the essay. What you have done is outlined the traits of your mother which has provided you with an inspiration within your own life. From this list, you have to develop full paragraphs that will better explain these traits and how you were inspired these characteristics of your mother. So one trait = 1 paragraph. I count at least 5 character traits in this overview so you should have at least 5, well developed paragraphs in your response. Keep track of the word count though and make sure you don't go under or over the required number of words.

Let me also tell you that you should never make reference to your childhood in an essay. It is always best to leave the essay age neutral when you are discussing someone or something because "childhood" starts from the age of 1 and reviewers would rather that you pick responses that show a sense of maturity, understanding, responsibility, and logic when referring to ages in your essay. They do not like it when you use terms such as "Right from when I was a child" or "As far as I can remember". Simply state that "My mother has been my inspiration in life." That is more age neutral and acceptable as a neutral age reference.
OP Victoria1 1 / 3 1  
Dec 5, 2016   #4
Thanks @chizy7 and @ Holt


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