I am writing an essays for APIASF scholarship help me correct my errors and give me advice.
In 500 words or less, please describe your short-term and long-term personal and education/career goals and what has helped to shape your goals. What specific steps will you take to reach your personal/education/career goals?
straight A's student
At this moment my first short-term goal is to be a straight A's student for this semester. I have a B in my AP Calculus class and I need to get an A in the semester exam next week. I am spending most of my time to review each chapter that I have learn so far by watching academic videos on Youtube, practicing more, and staying after school for extra help.. After surviving through this semester exam, I will use most of my time for searching and applying numerous scholarships in order to assist me paying for college. I have created an excel file which saves all information of scholarships that I am eligible and there is a link for each of them which helps me go directly to the application. University of Nevada, Las Vegas have accepted my application. In next 4 years I will get my bachelor's degree in Pre-medical program. Right after that, I will find a job as a medical assistant. The following years of my life will spend in the Medical school of US Air Force for my PhD. degree. I would train myself not only in professional knowledge but also in physical and mental health. There is innumerable obstacle in my career path but I believe I can absolutely get it. I always organize things logically, I have plans for what I want for a specific period of time and an intense passion always blazes inside me. In my opinion, success is summed up in six words: never give up, try it again. I picture myself as a shy girl, so to build a good self-confidence I would try a dance class. Dancing gives me more chances to make friend with people and help me get involve in communities to explore more aspects of myself. At the age of six, I was asked about my dream. Surprisingly, I answered that I want to be a doctor without any ideas about that career. My mom was the first person who brought me the idea of being a doctor. Growing up with that dream, I have seen how people around me fought with either mental or physical diseases but I really could not help them. Once I felt impotent when my uncle died because of cancer. He is my favorite uncle but I did not do anything to help him get better; it was a sock for me. From that point, the idea of being a doctor has developed in my mind The awe of discovering the human body, the honor to be trusted to give advice, the gratitude for helping people through a difficult illness,...these things never grow old.I hope these edits will help,
The awe of discovering (...),...these things never grow old.
The awe-inspiring culture of examining the human anatomy, the trustworthiness deserved for prescribing a specific treatment, the gratitude of serving the recovery of the fatalities. These are the moments that I'll cherish the most in my near future.
Vy, I felt that you've not understood the core demand of this prompt. Though you've fully explained your current and future endeavors regarding education, but I think the prompt is wanting to know about the impact you're gonna create which will not only maneuver your future, but also that of others. I can say that you can dig more deeper and present a more intriguing response. Otherwise, you've done quite a job. Well done.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,797 
4780 Hi Vy, I was really sad to have read the essay that you developed. You did a good job of mentioning the personal side of your immediate academic goals. However, the essay prompt is asking you to consider your short and long term career goals instead. So while your plans are noble, these are not the plans that can win you the scholarship. There is a need for you to find the time and the inspiration to be able to write a totally new essay regarding your short and long term career goals. Yes, it has to be about your career , not academic goals. The scholarship is going to help you prepare for your future so they want to know how you envision your future to be after they have helped you with your studies and you have already graduated. Consider the kind of career that you can have immediately upon graduation. Make sure to discuss the career plans that you have for at least 3 years. Then stretch your imagination even further, think about where you can be in 5 years after graduation. That is long term enough. Anything longer in term than that will require you have acquired even higher educational recognition. So focus on your professional future for the discussion of this essay. That way, you will be able to properly respond to the prompt.
