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'a leader, a go-getter, down-to-earth, opportunist' Letter of Self-Introduction - 2017 KGSP Graduate


notmargaux 2 / 3 4  
Jan 15, 2017   #1
Hi there! I will be applying for the 2017 Korean Government Scholarship Program for Graduate Degree. For the self-introduction, their instructions are to write about your course of life, your view of life, yours hopes and wishes, your education and work experience, in relation to the KGSP program, your motivation for applying to the program, and your reason for study in Korea.

Here is my essay and I hope you can let me know any needed corrections that I can make. Thank you!

LETTER OF SELF-INTRODUCTION



When we are young, we dedicate our time trying to find our purpose in life. Most of the time, young people are still lost as to what they want to do in life or who they want to be. At a young age, I was just as lost as any young person. I followed my parents, my friends, and the trends and hoped that life would put me where I should be. As I got older, I realized that this was wrong. I am my own person and should shape my own life according to my beliefs, my wants, my goals, and my needs. If I kept following others, I would be following their dreams and their wishes and not my own. I am glad to have grown up and realized that all along, I should have been leading my own self to the path that I wanted to take.

My name is Margaux, I am ambitious, outgoing, a leader, a go-getter, down-to-earth, and an opportunist. I love to read, I love to learn, I love to travel, and I love to befriend others. My dream is to have a career in the hotels and resorts industry and to one day have my own resort. I have much appreciation for the people who work in an industry that is always available to serve others and to make others happy in places that serve as a home away from home for tourists, business people, and others. I also dream of incorporating an inclusive business to my own business so that I can help the people in my country who are not as fortunate as I am.

I learned too late at my young age that there was nothing wrong with taking risks and opportunities. In fact, I would gain more than I would lose when I did take risks and opportunities. Despite learning this too late, I have made the most out of the opportunities in my life and am still making the most out of them. I am currently at my last semester studying Marketing Management at Miriam College in the Philippines. I study hard to get high grades because I want my family and myself to be proud of my hard work. Besides that, I am a student leader that went from being the Marketing Manager to being the President of the business organization of my school, the MC Inter-school Business Association. The opportunity of being a student leader is just one of the many opportunities that have gone my way. In my 3rd year, I joined as an event organizer for 2 events in my school: the AIESEC Youth Activation Fair 2016, a leadership seminar for students, and TEDxMiriamCollege: Rooted, the first TEDx conference in my school. In my 4th year, I was appointed to become the Head Organizer for the next TEDxMiriamCollege conference, I joined the Batch 2017 Yearbook Committee as Content Editor, I underwent an internship for the World Youth Alliance Asia Pacific, a non-profit youth organization committed to human rights and development, and I was sent to Busan, South Korea to represent my school and my country at the 2016 APEC Edutainment Exchange Program wherein my group and I were tasked to create a business plan and present it, I was also chosen as the Team Leader for my group. Currently, I am representing my school to compete at the Agora Youth Awards, a competition for Marketing students, and I am an intern at Holiday Inn Manila - my first step to achieving my dream of working in the hospitality and tourism industry and my dream of having my own resort.

Looking back at these opportunities that I have experienced, I know that they will be helpful to me in studying Hotel Management because I have learned how to give importance in creating a system when organizing an event or leading an organization. I have learned how the operations of organizations and a hotel business works. I have also learned to interact and communicate with others, to serve others, to put others before me, and to be a good example to others.

I applied for the 2017 Korean Government Scholarship Program because I know that this is an opportunity that I should not miss. I believe that whether I pass or fail this endeavor, I will nonetheless still gain experience from it. I also believe that the KGSP encourages people to become independent - to be far away from your family and friends, to take care of yourself, and be the leader of your own self. Besides my love for travel and for learning, I want to study in Korea because I know that the education in this country is of high quality. The tourism of South Korea is also doing great which will allow me to learn about its hospitality industry and apply it to my studies. Not only will I learn the language, I will also learn the culture and history, and learn to interact with and appreciate Korean people. Being able to visit Korea twice in the past years, I have learned how friendly and accommodating Korean people are. The seminar I attended in Busan allowed me to interact with Koreans my age and learned to build lasting friendships with them.

I believe that continuing my studies in business in a foreign country will help me to expand my viewpoint of the world - the KGSP will allow me to meet many people from different backgrounds and different walks of life and help me to understand the internationalism of the industry that I want to work in. To study a Master's Degree in Hotel Management is the next step in building my career - something that is vital to add to my current experiences in order to become successful. Not only will I gain new knowledge in business but I will also gain a sense of understanding of the world outside my comfort zone, outside the country that I have called my home for the past 20 years. As the Korean government helps me in achieving an education that will help me reach my goals in life, I, in turn, shall help others in reaching their goals in life as well through the inclusive business that I plan to build in the future so that others can also find their purpose in life.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4772  
Jan 15, 2017   #2
Margaux, I suggest that you skip the first paragraph of your current essay and instead, open with the second paragraph, which is a direct introduction to who you are and what your important qualities and traits both as a person and as a student are. When an essay discussion is obviously going to entail a lengthy discussion, it is always best to avoid the word fillers or word introductions at the start and just get to the point. There is no sense in introducing the reviewer to what you have to say twice. Once just to ease him into the mindset that you have and the second, to really introduce yourself. The essay you present is already too long as it is so try to shorten it wherever possible.

The third paragraph is also running too long. Rather than trying to present all of your academic achievements, just present the most important one that you have. After all, the highlight of the essay should actually be your related work experience in terms of your major. So if the TedxMiriam activity is the most important to your related experience, focus the paragraph on that.

Now usually, these essays also ask you to provide information about your familiarity with the Korean culture and language preparations if any. Wasn't that required in this essay for you? If it wasn't I believe that you should present it just the same in order to show that you are serious about becoming a successful masters degree student in Korea.


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