Hello! I'll be applying to KGSP Graduate scholarship this month, I've been writing my letter of self introduction, but, since English is not my first language, I would appreciate if some of you could give it a review and tell me what you think. Thank you!
Social and Sustainable design as my goal
I cannot say that my life has been as I expected, I have never thought that my hard studying and dedication could bring me the best experiences of my life. I realized that all my sacrifices had a reward when I graduated from high school as the first of my class. This allowed me to get a high academic efficiency scholarship from the most prestigious private university in ________.
My life as student of Product Design was not easy, keeping a high efficiency scholarship was something complicated, but even there, I decided to take all I could from my University, so I joined many different student clubs and groups, as drama, production staff and "_____", for which I was founder, secretary and later, president of council. Thanks to this opportunity, I learn about responsibility, leadership, teamwork and working under pressure.
As student I had the opportunity to be involved in plenty of events, courses and workshops, from them I envisioned a great goal for me: Social and Sustainable design. Victor Papanek in "Design for the Real World" wrote: "Design must be an innovative, highly creative, cross-disciplinary tool responsive to the true needs of men. It must be more research oriented, and we must stop defiling the earth itself with poorly-designed objects and structures". Reading that, moved me so much, that I took it as motto. This is why I volunteered to work with low income children, adults with disabilities and _____ artisans, where I learned to observe and identify real necessities that even they ignored.
During my last year as student I had the opportunity to do an internship in _____, the most important company of appliances in ________. In this company I worked in the new products development area under the Innovation department guide. My project was named "_____ which required a deep research about ____ housewives and the food culture in _____. This allowed me to find true necessities for the everyday users of this product. This project was 100% "user centered designed" and the use of different methodologies such as DESIGN THINKING and KANSEI Methodology gave the bases to propose a real product. Now, the project is in the line for a future launching.
The last year I had the possibility of work with a team of agronomists, ambient engineers and architects in the renovation of a Permaculture Center, the opportunity to work with a multi-disciplinary team, enriched me professionally to see that sustainable and social design is much more than a field, is a way of living, and I believe, this could beneficiate our world.
In 2014 I was able to participate as exchange student in Yeungnam Univesity at Gyeongsang, South Korea. It was here where my first approach to the Korean culture occurred while I studied under the Korean high educational quality. My staying in this country made me open my mind and enjoy every moment. I had to adapt myself to a very different culture, language, food and people. Someone told me once that the best experiences happen outside your comfort zone, and I totally agreed after this experience. The challenges I overcame when I lived in Korea taught me lessons for the rest of my life. Living in Korea also gave me the possibility to improve my English skills and learn the very basics of Hangeul and Korean Language
When I returned to ______ I listened to many design personalities (professors and speakers) talking about Korea, among other things, they mentioned "look at Korea" "the future of design is in Korea". Was this the moment I knew that I had to come back.
In my University City, (CITY), currently 48 Korean companies have been established, and the Korean community is gradually growing in (COUNTRY) which shows us the importance of creating a relationship between both countries.
Studying in Korea with its high standards, its impressive technological development and the strength that Korea has shown despite of its problems in the last decades just make me wish to learn from its people, its culture and its professionals; I believe that studying in a school such as Kookmin University can challenge me to give everything I have and share a little about my country, firm up team work between different cultures and develop important improvements for our societies' welfare. Besides knowing a new culture and language, participating in this program will give the opportunity to create a global networking which, in the future, would allow me to entrepreneur with people from different parts of the world.
Once I wished to study in the most important private university in my country (something that my family could not afford), and later, I wished to travel to the other side of the world. No of these two was easy, but with my and my parent's hard work and sacrifices, this turned real. Now, my next challenge is to come back to Korea and be part of this small group of talented students, improve my knowledge and acquire abilities in a prestigious school as Kookmin University is. This is a once in a life time opportunity that I really wish, and my father always says: "Be careful what you wish for..."
I have learned that nothing worthwhile comes easily, that is why I am giving my best while I am preparing to start a new experience. I am ready to give everything of me to make KMU, Korea, and ____ proud of what I will do.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,797 
4780 Montserrat, this is an excellent essay! You have approached the requirements in the best possible manner and you managed to get your desires, hopes, dreams, and ambitions for your future across in a highly clear manner. The fact that you were able to accurately connect your country, your work, the development of your country, and the business that Korea does there to your motivations to apply is also something notable. That said, the essay does still have a few points for correction. These are minor corrections that do not affect the overall essay, but needs to be removed in order to make the essay more impressive.
While we all know that Korea has been facing some difficulties as a country in recent years and months, it is impolite for the student applicant to point that out to the reviewer. Koreans hold their country in very high regard and mentioning their problems may be taken negatively and work against you application. It is best to remove the reference to that in your essay.
Next, the last 2 paragraphs that you wrote are redundant already and do not really work to further benefit the essay in a strong manner. It would be best if you close the essay using the discussion about the university instead. That allows you close on a relevant note and keeps the message and confident tone of your essay prominent at the close of the self introduction.
