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Compare & Contrast "The Two Friends" - feedback.


iamthien 1 / 3  
Feb 9, 2011   #1
Assignment: Compare and Contrast 2 people you know, come up with consistent points of contrast and compose a 3 page paper.

THE TWO FRIENDS
Everyone has friends, and usually they are people from all walks of life. Some are so different personalities. But some are similar that it is shocking. They seem to walk, talk and even eat the same. Others are so very different that it is absolute wonder that they can even stand each other, let alone be friends. That is how Matt and Tuan started out as best friends, but the two good friends found living together a bigger task than they had ever imagines. They are older than me, but they loved to spend times with me having fun, enjoying, studying together and telling jokes. They differ in everything from their appearances, their views on cleaning, their views on sports, their views on fun, and their views on religion.

Matt and Tuan are different in their looks. Matt is five feet-eleven inches tall and weighs 165 pounds. He has dark blonde hair those straights up as spiky and big blue eyes that compliment his white skin. He has a natural look that manly enough to catch the attention of others. For example, while walking through the mall, it is almost inevitable some young girls will try to catch his eye, make a pass, or try to get close to him. On the other hand, Tuan's appearance is totally opposite. He is five feet-four inches tall and weighs 110 pounds. He has long black hair and almost touches the shoulder. His eyes are narrow and tanned skin. Though he is attractive in his own way, he can walk through the mall without one person staring. Undoubtedly, these two are complete opposites when it comes to looks.

The two guys are the best of friends but they are very different, even in the views on how they clean. Matt is very neat and tidy. Everything must be in its place at all times. Tuan on the other hand is extremely messy. Wherever things happen to land is where they should belong. Matt cleans his room at least once a day while Tuan's room is lucky to be cleaned once a month. When Matt cleans, it is a lengthy procedure. Sometimes he will spend hours just cleaning his room. When Tuan cleans, it is done as quickly as humanly possible. If he can get everything shoved under his bed in five minutes then he is happy. The thought of even sleeping in a messy room makes Matt extremely uncomfortable. In contrast, Tuan can't stand to be in a spotless room without the urge to mess something up.

Their views differ on sports also. Tuan will come up with any excuse possible to get out of going to a super bowl party. But if he has to go, he will cheer for the Redskin. He doesn't watch any sports on television or go to any games in person. When Tuan was in school, he never participated in any sports or rarely went to any of the games. On the other hand, Matt loves to watch basketball regularly. He is a loyal fan of Kobe Bryant who he thinks is a best basketball player among that sport. No matter how bad Kobe is playing, Matt will always cheer for him. When Matt was in school he participated in track and basketball; he also frequented the football games.

Since the two guys can hardly stand to be in each other's rooms, they frequently go out. But even in their choices of a good time, they have severe differences. Matt is very quiet and shy. He doesn't like to be around a lot of people that he doesn't know. Tuan on the contrary is loud and very outgoing. He loves being with new people, enjoys spending time with his friends, and doing new and exciting things. He hates the thought of doing the same thing over and over again. Matt's idea of a great weekend would be to stay at home with a few friends and watch movies while Tuan's fantasy weekend would include mountain climbing, swimming, or any thing where he met tons of new friends. Matt is the most shy around girls. In fact, he has never even been on a single date. Tuan is perhaps even more outgoing and always in a central attention.

They obvious difference is that Matt is Christian and Tuan is Buddhist. Their life styles and cultures are different. Matt is American but he came from a countryside. Tuan came from a big city in Vietnam. Matt grew up in a traditional Christian family. He would go to church and he had no brother or sister to look up to or to teach him except church fathers. His home was in a poor neighborhood. He was a good student all through his younger years and he was always involved in extracurricular activities. Then he figured that college was the key to getting where he wanted be. Tuan came from an Asian background where his parents always taught him about how to be a righteous man and a virtue heart. He had two younger sisters and one older brother and his family was rich. Although, the religions are different from Matt and Tuan, they share the same idea of being a good man.

Overall, they are two my best friends. Matt and Tuan almost have no similar point but huge differences from their appearances, their views on cleaning, their views on sports, their views on fun and their views on religion. Yet, they are both came from a different countries, opposite backgrounds and unconventional environments, they have been friends with me for four years from now and still in a good friendship. Friends come in all shapes and sizes and no two are alike. Even if they are different, they can bring out the best in each other.
ioannidis007 2 / 5  
Feb 9, 2011   #2
You are repeating yourself in some points. For example, you have said that they are different in

"their appearances, their views on cleaning, their views on sports, their views on fun, and their views on religion. "

Many times over. If you insist on keeping that, try rephrasing a bit.

Change:
"how to be a righteous man and a virtue heart." ->
"how to be a righteous man and have a virtuous heart."

"where he met tons of new friends." ->
"where he can meet tons of new friends."

"he thinks is a best basketball player among that sport." ->
"he regards as the best basketball player in the world."

Overall, its a good essay. Straight to the point. Good job!
KathyLala 20 / 116  
Feb 9, 2011   #3
Those are my ideas if you want to take a look

Everyone has friends, and usually they are people from all walks of life.=>Everyone has friends, who may come from different places such as workplaces, schools, or parties.

Some are so different personalities. But some are similar that it is shocking=>Some have the same personalities while others are so different from one another.

They seem to walk, talk and even eat the same=> They may favor the same food or place
Others are so very different that it is absolute wonder that they can even stand each other, let alone be friends<=this is must be rewrite

That is how Matt and Tuan started out as best friends, but the two good friends found living together a bigger task than they had ever imagines.=>Matt and Tuan were best friends, but both of them realized that living together is a difficult...(if you're talking about the past and they are no longer be friends, use "they were best friends", if they are still be friends, use "they have+ PP" because the following paraghap you're saying "they are older than me", and "...they had ever imagines=>they have ever imagined=present perfect tense

His eyes are narrow and tanned skin (you mean his eyes are narrow and his eyes are tanned???, maybe you mean this=>His eyes are narrow and his skin is tanned

he can walk through the mall without one person staring=>Though he is attractive in his own way, no girl interests on his outside look when he is passing through the mall

The two guys are the best.. (don't use guy in formal writing, use man instead)

even in the views on how they clean (delete this part)
Tuan on the other hand is extremely messy.=>Tuan, on the other hand, is ex...(add commas)

The thought of even sleeping in a messy room makes Matt extremely uncomfortable (delete "The thought of even", just start with Sleeping in a...)

When Tuan was in school, he never participated in any sports =>When Tuan was in school, he had never participated (past perfect)

Friends come in all shapes and sizes <=this need rewrite, sound awkward
OP iamthien 1 / 3  
Feb 9, 2011   #4
Thank you ioannidis007 and KathyLala for your feedback, and point out some weaknesses of the essay... I will fix them.


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