I was stick when I was writing this essay. Could you give me some suggestion because it is closed to my date to take TOEFL!!
Thank you.
title: Do you think that young people should take several different kinds of job before they take a career in a long term?
Some people think it is not only bring them a stable income to improve their life qualities, but also accumulate the ability in their specializations as early as possible; however, others dispute that people should take some adventures to try different jobs because they are young. I, as a young man, agree with that young people should take several different kinds of job before they take a career in a long term.
First, it enriches our life experience and leaves us lots of unforgettable memory to take a variety of working positions. Recently, countries around the world have developed a new trend to appeal young people between eighteen to thirty years old, leaving their home town to seek a job overseas, and we call it as "working holiday." It provides working opportunities, such as being a farmer, a cleaner, or a clerk in the Disney Land. I've attended this program for a half year three years ago, being a cook in the Japanese restaurant and a housekeeper in the youth hotel in Australia. Actually, I never cooked and seldom clean my room before I got this job. Fortunately, my bosses and coworkers in both jobs are so nice that they taught me some Japanese and Australian cultures and how to make food and desert in Japanese style, and they also led me to have a trip around the city we stayed. We had a lot of fun, and meanwhile we became good friends. Hence, the experience to taking different jobs in young age is memorable to add colors in our life.
Second, it is a best way to discipline ourselves when taking different jobs. Actually, we don't know what we like and what we want when just leaving school. To be frankly, we don't prepare well for entering the society at that time. So, trying to be in charge with the different responsibilities can help us to find our real interests, rather than just seek for a career in our lifetime following our parents' mind. Thus, I think it is a good transition from an innocent baby to a mature adult in the society through the training plans in each occupation.
As a result, from the discussions above, young people can benefit from the diversity of these working experiences, not only focus one. Thus, I strong believe that it is better for a young man to take several different kinds of job before they take a career in a long time.
I have some minor changes if you want to take a look. Hope they help
=> Some people think it is not only bring them a stable income to improve their life qualities, but also accumulate the ability in their specializations as early as possible <= what is "it is"?
=>others dispute that people should take some adventures to try different jobs when they are young
I've attended this program for a half year three years ago <= How can you attend this program for a half year three years ago? either this: "I attended for a half-year three years ago" OR "I have attended this program since three years ago "
=>I had never cooked and seldom cleaned my room before I got this job
=>my bosses and coworkers in both jobs were so nice that they taught me some Japanese
=>and they also provided me a trip around the city we stayed
=> Hence, the experience of taking different jobs in young age is memorable to and add colors in our life.
=>Second, it is the best way to discipline ourselves when taking different jobs (I don't think "discipline" is a right word to use with your idea in this para, I think "test" or "prepare" would be better)
=>Leaving school, we don't know what we like and what we want immediately
=>we are not yet well prepared for entering the society
=>rather than just stick in one career in our lifetime or follow our parents' suggestion
=>Thus, I think it is a good transition from an innocent baby to a mature adult in the society through the training plans in each occupation (rewrite this sentence, not "innocent baby". Instead, compare or give example on one job with experience from many jobs.)
=>Thus, I strongly believe that it is better for a young person to take different kinds of job before they take a career in a long time.
I, as a young man, agree with the assertion that young people should take several different kinds of job before they take a career in a long term.--I added some words.
First, it enriches our life experience and leaves us lots of unforgettable memory memories that help us make decisions about a variety of working positions.
I attended this program for a half year three years ago, being a cook in a Japanese restaurant and a housekeeper in the youth hotel in Australia.-----I added a few words and took out some words that made the sentence too complicated. The reader does not really need to know it was for a half a year.
Actually, I never cooked and seldom clean cleaned my room before I got this job. ---Very good introspection here!!
As a result, from the discussions above, it is easy to see that young people can benefit from ...
Great job!
