Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4


TOEFL: TV has destroyed communication among friends and family?


yecochi 4 / 5  
Apr 6, 2011   #1
Please help me refine my essay. Thanks a lot:)

Topic:
Do you agree or disagree that TV has destroyed communication among friends and family? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Some people consider TV has destroyed communication among friends and family, while others tend to enjoy the advantages it brings. TV shows affect one's communication with others in a negative ways by showing lots of violence and sex; nevertheless, we can decide to watch TV appropriately and enjoy beneficial and shared information it provides. In my opinion, TV would not damage communication among friends and family.

Savagery and sexual information could contribute to negative influence on one's thoughts and behaviors. TV can present shows covering violent and sexual activities. Enjoying those ideas too much to discern whether they are right or wrong, people may run into those abnormal ideas. Their behavior may become deviant, and therefore obstruct people's relationships with their family and friends. Eventually, communication among them is also destroyed.

In spite of the disadvantages discussed, we can keep ourselves far away from bad programs. Well-educated individuals should recognize abnormal thinking and actions in TV shows, but also understand their negative effects. If not to be affected is difficult, people should prohibit themselves from watching those shows. In addition, parents should ban their children watching inappropriate TV programs. Rejection to watch bad programs can help us not be involved in deviant behavior and poor communication with others.

Nonetheless, there is good information in TV programs for us to share with our friends and family. We can learn about news and new things from TV, understanding the lives of our friends and family more, and improving interaction and communication with them. Take myself for example. Hearing about news about the company in China in which my brother works, I would develop shared sense with his recent life, despite living far from him. This could create some topics among our not frequent conversation.

Although some TV programs full of violent and sexual activities may impact people's thoughts and behaviors, there is no doubt that others can benefit us with useful information. We can choose not to be exposed to the abnormal information and to learn new things from TV. Therefore, our interaction and communication with our friends and family would not damaged by TV programs, but get advantages from them.
Scientiana 12 / 43 10  
Apr 6, 2011   #2
Savagery and sexual information could contribute to negative influence on a person 's thoughts and behaviors.

Enjoying those ideas too much may discern whether they are the right or wrong and people may run into those abnormal ideas.

If not to be affected is difficult, people should prohibit themselves from watching those shows.

I don't understand this sentence.

Hearing about news aboutof the company in China in which my brother works, I would develop shared sense with his recent life, despite living far from him. This could create some topics among us , even though we do not have conversation frequently.

Although some TV programs are full of violent and sexual activities and may impact people's thoughts and behaviors, there is no doubt that others can benefit us with useful information.
OP yecochi 4 / 5  
Apr 7, 2011   #3
Thank you, Annika.

If not to be affected is difficult, people should prohibit themselves from watching those shows.
=
If it is difficult not to be affected, people should prohibit themselves from watching those shows.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 7, 2011   #4
Annika, you are so great!

Let me work on that first paragraph:
Some people consider television to be a technology that has destroyed communication among friends and family, while others tend to enjoy the advantages it brings.

Television shows affect one's communication with others in a negative ways by showing lots of violence and sex; nevertheless, we can decide to watch TV appropriately and enjoy beneficial and shared information it provides. ----Wow, this is a great sentence.

In my opinion, TV would not damage communication among friends and family, because ___________________________________ (try to sum up your main idea, and then end the introduction paragraph).


Home / Writing Feedback / TOEFL: TV has destroyed communication among friends and family?
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳