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'joined the band in the fifth grade' -Childhood experiences that improved self esteem


measinkaren 1 / 2  
Jan 23, 2012   #1
I need help please. I just started college last week my first paper is due Wednesday. I have not written any papers for over 12 years so I know my grammar and use of words is not good. Please read and correct. Thank You soooo much for taking your time to help me....

I went through my childhood with many more bad memories then good ones. I often wish it were the other way around. Most of the memories have been related to school and the accomplishments and achievements I made while I was there.

I enjoyed going to school unlike many students. It was my time to get away from all the negative things going on in my home. It was a time to relax and be around other people not just my siblings, a time to speak my mind and interact with others and I throughly enjoyed all my time in school.

I remember my forth grade teacher Ms. Schwedler very well. I liked her a lot because she was always so nice to me. I often got awards in her class for being the first one done with a book, no homework notices, and completing all my homework on time. At the end of one of the school days the class got very loud and out of control and nobody would listen to what Ms. Schwedler had to say. She was very angry with the class and the following morning was punishment time. There would be no talking all day, no recess, and writing sentence all day. The following day Ms. Schwedler put a note in my desk and it read "Dear Karen, I just wanted you to know that I appreciate your good behavior this year. I'm so sorry that you end up getting punished for the rotten behavior of the others and I'm going to change that. You set a wonderful example of what a mature 4th grader should act like, now we've got to get the others to follow your good example. Thanks for all the good stuff you do even though I don't always say it. I appreciate you more then you'll know. You are very special to me, Karen". This note made me feel like I was someone and she appreciated everything I did. I still have this note today because it made me feel so good about myself. Ms. Schwedler was the first person to write me a note like that and I took that to my heart.

I joined the band in the fifth grade, playing the clarinet which I thought I was really good at it. When I was in the sixth grade, my band teacher Mr. Dennee put me into competitions and I always got first or second place. He would push me to play songs that were harder and harder each time. In seventh grade I was given a chance to play an alto clarinet which I enjoyed and in eighth grade Mr. Dennee gave me a chance to play the bass clarinet. I liked the bass clarinet but it was so big it took a lot more work but I did it and I turned out to be awesome at it too. After band practice one day Mr. Dennee came to me and asked if I would like to join him and the high school band on their trip to Disney World to play in the parade. After practicing hard the next few weeks I was off to Florida with the band, we never got to play in the parade because it was raining but marching in the parade was just as special to me.

These childhood memories enhanced my self esteem because it gave me a great appreciation for music and arts. I was also given the ability to have confidence in my abilities and it has given me the drive to complete everything in life I set out to achieve. I am thankful for these two people and for whom they have helped me become.
cypress 8 / 18  
Jan 23, 2012   #2
I went through my childhood with many more bad memories then than good ones
Parvina 4 / 15  
Jan 23, 2012   #3
Good ideas ...especially quoting the words of your teacher.
morecelery 4 / 20  
Jan 23, 2012   #4
This is a good, I also like the quotes, they make it a lot stronger. And the vocabulary is very simple and not-fluffed-up, which is good for an essay. I would work on sentence structure; taking out things that are not needed, and making it simpler. Good job, and good luck!
saurabh93 11 / 94  
Jan 23, 2012   #5
These childhood memories enhanced my self esteem because it gave me a great appreciation for music and the arts. I was also given the ability to have confidence in my abilities and it has given me the drive to complete everything in life I set out to achieve. I am thankful for these two people and for the person they have helped me become.

Other than that, very good
Can you look at my questionnaire?
OP measinkaren 1 / 2  
Jan 24, 2012   #6
What do I need to take out and whats wrong with my sentence structure?


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