Todays , Parents work very hard and sometimes they work two shifts, so they do not have enough time to keep their children. Raising the number of kindergartens can make clear how parents are busy these days. Some parents are satisfied by keeping their children by their grandparents, while other people disagree with that. In my opinion, both aspects of this issue (what do you mean by this issue? you have mentioned two issues: keeping or not keeping? You should clearify here) have advantages and disadvantages which will be discussed in this essay.
Firstly, keeping our childrenchildren being kept by our parents has some benefits. The cost of today's kindergarten is very expensive, so it is reasonable that grandparents take responsibility to keep children. They are free during the days and they can support them. Moreover, we can considering that responsibility asisthea kind of job for them , sotheythe elderly can feel beneficial in society, not useless. In addition, our grandparents who can trust them more than instructors at schools and kindergartens. We cannot criticize our children's teacher easily or make more orders, while we feel more comfortable with our grandparents. Besides, grandparents are patient and they try to teach lots of experiences, which they have to their children. For instance, I learned lots of useful skills from both my grandmother and grandfather when they kept me at holidays and weekends.
Well you should combine sentences two make complicated one. For example, you should combine sentence 2 and 3. And maybe you have presented too many points here. Limit around 3 is perfect :)
On the other hand, there are some disadvantages when grandparents keep our children. They need to rest more than in the past and they are not as patient as needed to deal with children(in the 1st para, you mentioned they are patient, and in this you say they are not, a little contradictory?) , so with this way we make more trouble for them. Also, keeping our children should not be the only things that we must worry about that ; in fact, their education it should be the first priority. Our children need to learn new things which two previous generations did not need to them. Therefore, we must consider gap generation between children and their grandparents.
To sum up, our grandparents are significant source of experiences which can play important roles in children's education. But these children belong to the future, so they need to learn new technology and different skills in some place such as kindergarten.
I have to say, your whole paragraph did not respond very well to the prompt which is:
To what extent do you think it affects the whole family?
you only mentioned the advantages and disadvantages of the old keeping children for parents, NOT mentioning any effects is has on the WHOLE FAMILY. Even if you are writing to respond the task that ask about the pros and cons, your conclusion is not satisfactory because it neither states the pros and cons, nor states the effects. I suggest that you should rewrite this essay according to my correction :)
