Your intro is not attractive enough :) You should follow this intro by Dumi :)
Nowadays, most students spent their time in a less productive activities during their spare time.
Hey this one should be put in the intro :) cuz I find the idea is great :)
Through this program, students would nurture not only their skills but also their emotional and social being as well. Furthermore, in some aspect, crime rates would likely be reduced.
Well you should not divide into so small parts like this. You can combine, or else, develop your ideas by giving examples, analytical sentences or something else. The 3rd para
Through this program, students would nurture not only their skills but also their emotional and social being as well. Furthermore, in some aspect, crime rates would likely be reduced.
has two points. Next time I suggest you separate each in a paragraph and develop your ideas more thoroughly :)
By the way remember to include the type of task here so that it would be easier for us to assess your writings :)