You should have included the prompt of the task with your essay. We could base on this prompt to provide you with more meaningful comments.
there were numbers of people who changed their jobs and moved to different living places
It is becoming more popular for people to change job and place to live constantly than previously.
get more opportunities to reach a better position
have access to better employment opportunities
and this allows increasing numbers of young people living in rural areas to move to industrial regions or large cites
You could start a new sentence from this one. Avoid writing too lengthy sentences in your essay.
and this can provide better medical service and education to these people
You could try using various types of sentence, instead of the "and + this" form.
For example: where high quality medical service and education are more accessible.