Dear EssayForum experts, could you please review one of my essays and give comments on it. I would also appreciate your advises how could I improve my writing skills in the nearest 2 weeks as I have toefl exam on August 16.
Well, we are not great experts, however, with our experience for all these years we can certainly help you improve your TOEFL writing :)
I think you need to change your approach for answering this task. You have the right set of paragraphs here (Intro, body paras and the conclusion), but you need to change the approach of writing those paras. Follow this;
Introduction - Begin you essay with an interesting hook that can capture the readers attention.It should be interesting, meaningful and relevant idea to your topic. Then introduce the background of the issue to the reader. This is the most important part of your intro and you can do this by paraphrasing your prompt. Then state your opinion very clearly.
Body para 1 - Tell the first reason to justify why you hold that opinion. Then give a specific example to support your reason.
Body para 2 - Second reason and the example
Conclusion- Sum up what you said above and reinstate your opinion.