One of benchmark from individuals'succes (spelling problem) is their career. There are a lot of inhabitants ( are you sure this is the right word to express the idea of 'individuals'?) in my country particularly build their career from young age. They apply for a job in a great company to get succes (spelling problem) in their career. Specifically, there are several popular career ( plural problem) in my country will be choosen (word form problem) in the next five years. Those are soctors (spelling problem) of Economic (make sure you write it in lower-case letter , diplomacy, and environmental.
Here are some issues I reveal that you should pay particular attention to:
1. Spelling
2. Word form
3. Lower/upper-case letter
4. I did not see you write a strong thesis statement.
My country, Indonesia will toward ASEAN Community next year. It does mean economic growth of Indonesia is depend on ASEAN Countries stability.
This seems to me you don't have much choice to write a topic sentence.
To sum in the nutshell,
This is wordiness. Simply write: In conclusion,