Please Grade my essay out of 12, thanks for advance!!!
Prompt:
The liberally educated person is one who is able to resist the easy and preferred answers, not because he's obstinate but because he knows other worthy of consideration.
Assignement:
What is one important "easy and preferred answer" that we should resist? That's what dangerous misconception does commonly hold?
One dangerous misconception that we generally subconsciously treat us as true is that the majority is always right. Blending in the crowd fosters in us a sense of security however the majority's opinions are not always right. In contrast the people who dare to challenge the majority finally find the truth.
Defeating old prejudges, biases and bible's misconceptions was the objectives of early renaissance's and age of enlightenment's philosophers and scientists.Galileo has faced several odds which led him to prison in order to spread Copernicus's heliocentric theory -A concept which consist the corner stone of scientific revolution- Toward him, biblical statement must be outbreaked because it contain a theory that doesn't fit the reality. That's why Galileo, Copernicus, Kepler and other refuse to belong to the cattle, they said "no" to dogmatism and "yes" to free thinking. This upraising includes removing the danger which threatens human kind, this scientists change the face of the world we live in.
Socrates was one of the early philosophers who criticize this behaviour. He encouraged people to emancipate and leave the cattle guided by greedy sophists who use rhetoric to persuade by people using chicanery stressed on human's desire, lust and pleasure: He call people to think wisely and individually and to avoid the mandate of others. Such struggle lead Socrates to death by poisoning, Plato also call people to reach blue-sky thinking; sum's light by breaking the chains that attach them to the blocks of illusions( The shadow of truth ) in the allegory of the cave while debating with Pretagoras
The experience of Google's co-founder Lawrence Page, illustrate that the majority don't always represent the truth. One of the youngest entrepreneurs to achieve global success, Lawrence Page is idolized by ambitious businessmen all over the world. When asked what was the big obstacle to his success he answered succinctly:" Most people's opinions" In fact shortly after he decided to start his own business most people around encouraged him to do what most businessmen do: relying on acquaintances for donation and investments. This method is considered safe and convenient. However Lawrence refused to follow the rules, instead, in the following 6 months he diligently researched information about all potential investor and how to run a company successfully in the end through hard work and aptitude Lawrence transacted the first sum of money to this company's account, this experience offered him invaluable knowledge about impress investors, how to manage income and how to rim a company. Now Google is one of the biggest search, cloud computing and software firm in the world ,earning 53 billion dollars in 2013 .
I think you need to organize your ideas more wisely. What I suggest is that to start each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence. You need to let the reader know what topic is going to be discussed in each paragraph. You provided many examples in the body section, but I, as a reader, couldn't get what each paragraph aims to convey. Make your ideas more clear and classified.
And it is better to end the essay with a conclusion.
Hope the comments help,
Cheers,
Ahmad
Please grade out of 12!!
I don know what criteria your mentor is going to consider for marking your work, but in the IELTS/TOEFL writing point of view an essay without a conclusion is viewed as an incomplete essay, and thus, no mark is allocated to it. But, let's ignore the latter point, and score your essay, even though I'm not an examiner. I would score the essay based on three parameters as follows:
1. Vocabulary: 10 out of 12
2. Grammar: 7.5 out of 12 (there were lots of grammar errors in your essay, especially in terms of tenses)
3. Organization of ideas: 7 out of 12
so the average of the points is 8. This is just my opinion, and it is not necessarily your mark. You may get a better score than this. Don't take this score serious plz :))
Good luck,
Cheers, Ahmad
I would give this essay a 10 out of 12 because of the highly intelligent discussion that you have posed. It is debatable in some ways, which makes it very interesting to read. Now, there are no grammatically perfect essays to come out of college students so I will over look those and just concentrate on the content of the paper. I agree that the essay can use a good conclusion but I believe that you can fix that by starting off the final paragraph with the following sentence "In conclusion, I would like to present the case of (name of google founder) as a perfect sample of not trusting in the opinion of others... It is because of the conclusion problem that I gave it an overall grade of 10. Keep in mind though that if you improve upon the grammatical content and correct the errors in sentence structure and spelling, your paper will bring in a better mark with your professor. Of course my grade is only for reference and is not going to be similar to the final grade your professor gives you but I believe that you are going to receive very good marks on this paper if you apply the suggested corrections. It is a good paper, you just need to adjust the content to make it even better. Keep up the good work!
it's an SAT essay
thanks for correcting my mistakes and for analyzing my faults Actually I am an unternational student preparing for the SAT
