In some countries flights have become much cheaper compared to others transportation. Some people think that this is a good development while others are concerned with situation? Discuss both views and your opinion?
Recently, there have been immense advances in airline industry in number of countries in a way that flight fees have become remarkably competitive. While some argue that this is a positive trend, others assert that the negatives of this enhancement must be highly considered.
To begin with, there has been considerable decrease in the offered freight charges by the airways on a day-to-day basis that has resulted in the fact that passengers have found air travel much more affordable and far more convenient than other means of transport. Not only would this make long-haul journeys cheaper for passengers, but could also be largely a saving of time. Other than that, the economy would benefit more, thereby increasing the efficiency of business trips. A businessman, for example, would be able to have a more compact itinerary in a certain period of time with the same costs, thus could do more activities and become more effective in his profession.
However, there are negative effects that should be addressed accordingly. Firstly, the lower the fees of air freights, the more demand it would be for air flights. Therefore, the number of flights would consequently increases. This can lead to traffic congestion, thereby affecting the efficiency of the airports in negative ways. The passengers would have to wait more and more at the airports owing to the fact that there would not be adequate capability to service the airlines properly. Moreover, this development would result in air pollution as well as other environmental problems like unwanted noises.
To sum up, it is evident that the reduction in air freight charges could have many benefits to people. However, I believe that there would be multiple negative consequences and it is on governments and relative industries to take steps to prevent the adverse effect of such developments.
*I would be grateful if receive your adorable comments and feedback.
- Reza, you forgot to state your opinion. Remember, according to the prompt, you are supposed to discuss both views and present your point of view. So you need to state that from the introductory point of the essay along with the positive and negative opinions.Other than that, the economy would benefit more, thereby increasing the efficiency of business trips. A businessman, for example, would be able to have a more compact itinerary in a certain period of time with the same costs, thus could do more activities and become more effective in his profession.
- Reza, the proper way to discuss in an essay is one topic per paragraph. So you need to start a new paragraph for this subject and offer a little more insight into your reasoning for this belief.- Again, you need to talk about the pollution as a separate paragraph. By the way, I don't see your personal opinion anywhere in the essay. You discussed both points of view, but your voice, your opinion has not been heard. The essay prompt is clear, you need to discuss both sides of the issue then discuss the third side, your point of view. You need to do that in order to make this an essay that properly addresses the prompt.To sum up, it is evident that the reduction in air freight charges could have many benefits to people. However, I believe that there would be multiple negative consequences and it is on governments and relative industries to take steps to prevent the adverse effect of such developments.
- You cannot present your point of view as part of the conclusion. That is a violation of the essay writing rules. No new ideas may be introduced in the conclusion. So discuss your point of view as a separate paragraph then write the conclusion. The conclusion should only state the prompt again, a summary of the facts, and your opinion should be again presented as the closing statement. Many thanks for your adorable feedback. Do you think it could be solved by changing introduction this way:
Recently, there have been immense advances in airline industry in number of countries in a way that flight fees have become remarkably competitive. While some argue that this is a positive trend, others, including me , assert that the negatives of this enhancement must be highly considered.
Is it necessary to add an extra paragraph to this essay? Please kindly advise.
Your introduction and conclusion need work. They do not contain some important points you made in the body paragraphs.
Let me try to make an intro
Air travel nowadays is affordable in some part of the globe. Some people views that this kind of phenomenon would be followed by the beneficial events while others stance stronger in the other assumption. I assert that air travel would be grade as its pace will help to enlarge the range of goods services, but its impact for the environment should be highly pondered.
Everything is fine except one thing. If i were you i would discussed about my view a little bit more.
immense advances = I am afraid it is inappropriate if you using "immense" to "advances"
Businessman = business person
you did not have a personal statement, I think it is the most fundamental to write essay either IELTS or other essays
In my personal view, after I read you essay, you seem to did not have a pattern to your essay, my suggestion is try to make a concept first before you write your essay, it leads you to writing appropriately, and I believe your essay will not out of topic.
keep spirit and keep study. :)
