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Trash bins at every nook and corner, more public toilets and regularly cleaned garbage piles


vidhyamouli 3 / 5  
Mar 4, 2015   #1
If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

I come from Chennai, India. It is one of the four major metros in the country. Recently, according to BBC report, Chennai made its place to top 10 cities that are best suited to live in the year 2015. Safety, expansion of metro trains and positive attitude of the people towards different cultures were few reason mentioned. However, there are few things in the city that has to improve. If I could change one thing in my hometown, which will make it better, is the cleanliness of the city and the attitude of the people about cleanliness.

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EF_Jasmine - / 68 39  
Mar 4, 2015   #2
Hello! My edits and suggestions are below,

I come from Chennai, India. It ( Chennai) is one of the four major metros in the country. Recently, according to BBC report, Chennai made its place to (as one of the) top 10 ten cities that are best suited to live in the year 2015. Safety, expansion of metro trains(,) and ( the) positive attitude(s) of the people towards different cultures were(only a) few reason(s) mentioned. However, there are few things in the city that has to should improve. If I could change one thing in my hometown, which will make it better, is it would be the cleanliness of the city and the attitude of the people about cleanliness. ( I like how you began by introducing the city, now I have a clear picture, good introduction!)

To the outside world(,) ECR road and Tech parks are the faces of Chennai city. These places look very clean and neat in the photographs. Marina beach, which is the second largest urban beach in the world(,) is in Chennai and many visitors who come to Chennai never misses these places. (Yet) when people visit these places(,) they are will be in for a shock.( There are)lack of thrash bins, piles of papers and cans at the corner of the street, pan stains on the walls and people urinating in public are common site in many places in the city. These are definitely not a pleasant scene for a tourist or a visitor.

Once when I was taking my morning walk, I saw a man throwing a plastic bottle on the street. When I asked him about it, his answer was ( use "quotations" with dialogue here) it is ok okay to throw things on the street as there is already a huge pile of garbage on the street and this one bottle is not going to make any difference. This is the attitude of the people. They always point to others and expect others to change before they change. People tend to forget that change has to start from within. ( I love how you tied a personal experience with making change.)

I feel that the government has failed in its part in many ways. Government should install trash bins at every nook and corner, build more public toilets(,) and regularly clean garbage piles. They can even privatice (privatize) some of these works. Law makers should be creative in making new laws, such as community work for people who urinate in public, which will change the attitude of the people. ( Add one more sentence to make this a full paragraph)

Hi! I like your essay, it is full of rich details, I like your perspective. You have some grammatical errors I helped you out with. You are missing a strong closing. Now your closing should reflect everything you wrote about, use your opening, your experience, and explain ultimately how you would change everything. Your last paragraph was about the government, add a sentence to that paragraph, and make your closing paragraph next. Great start! I enjoyed reading!


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