tiawulansari 1 / 1 Mar 15, 2015 #1Hello, kindly to check my writingThank you in advance-Tia-The graph illustrates the preferred leisure activities of boys and girls age 5-14 in Australia and is measured in percentage. Overall, it is immediately apparent that watching television or videos is the most favorite activity of Australian children.With regard to watching television or videos, 100% of boys and girls in Australia do this kind of activity in leisure time and become the most activity done by children....
gauravwalia1988 - / 14 4 Mar 15, 2015 #2The graph illustrates the preferred leisure activities of boys and girls at agesage 5-14 in Australia and is measured in percentage. Overall, it is immediately apparent that watching television or videos is the most favorite activity of Australian children."Most"in most favourite is redundancy. Favourite implies "most" automatically.With regards to watching television or videos, 100% of boys and girls in Australia prefer to do it in their leisure timedo this kind of activity in leisure time and become the most activity done by children . More than 80% of boys prefer to play electronic or computer games, though girls are only 60% active . Meanwhile, the percentages of boys who likes bike riding areis more than 70% and women is less than 60%. Art and craft activity is more dominated by girls than boys, which is 58% and 38% respectively. The least activity in free time is skateboarding or rollerblading, 39% of boys and 25% of girls.More than 70% boys like to ride bikes as compared to their counterparts who like it less than 60%.Based on the data, despite the watching TV or videos, the favorite activities of kids are electronic or computer games and bike riding. In addition, girls in Australia also like art and craft activity.Though Kids love to watch TV or videos most of the time but they also participate enthusiastically in electronic or computer games and bike riding. The Australian girls likes art and craft activity most of the time.
Niddumakhi 2 / 7 2 Mar 15, 2015 #3Hi Tia,overall, you have good skills for writing, but It would be better if you put the graph.The least activity in free time is skateboarding or rollerblading, 39% of boys and 25%(a quarter) of girls.In my view, in the proportion it would be better if you put some modifications.If at first you do not succeed, try, try again.keep spirit!
OP tiawulansari 1 / 1 Mar 15, 2015 #4-gauravwalia1988Thank you for the feedback. Mostly i still used simple words and sentences in my writing, will try for the better one for the next-NiddumakhiThank you, notedI'll try again for sure and here i attached the graph
