University education is the only way to success. Agree or disagree.

Hi everyone. Please help me with this essay. I am very thankful for your contribution.
In a few decades ago, a graduate from university could gain a high rate to get a good job. However, many students now consider universities enrollment might no longer the best choice for their career. Therefore, students should start working after a course and accrue the work experience.

On one hand, their career promotion would be earlier than the ones studying at universities. In fact, many people have been very successful without passing university period. Such people early seem to realize the importance of soft skills. Therefore, they tend to experience the real workplace in order to gain the valuable lessons needing for their future job. For example, Bill Gates, chairman of Microsoft Corporation, leaved Harvard University to start his own business while the curriculum is still incomplete. For his fearless decision, he now becomes the richest businessmen in the world.

On the other hand, studying at university is now not a prevalent tendency. First, the study period is too long. When students finish their syllabus, the employment demand might be changed. Hence, many students decide to start at intermediate school where they can both learn and work in real workplace. Also, students from the universities do usually not meet the job requirements because they do not acquire any work skills except the specialist knowledge. In addition, the unemployment rate of Vietnam is more and more increasingly with 72.000 bachelors each year.

In conclusion, although studying at university is a good opportunities to get knowledge, students are now more likely to join in the real work environment. It seems to be a good way for students to ensure their future.

Hello Ron Weasley
I want to give some suggestion about your essay


This introduction is good enough, but i think it needs a notable improvement. Let me give a try;
A successful person is identical with a degree. As such, some people are convinced that attending a university is the only way to achieve an excellent career, since students can gain better skills related to their future job. This is in stark contrast to others who argue that since a university merely provides fundamental theories, this study place is less likely to be suitable with people looking for job. Therefore, I would claim that the university still stands out because such a place brings some benefits: managerial and social skills.


Also your conclusion has to include a recommendation. Here is my conclusion;
The aforementioned evidence reveals that the university leads to a better future with a superior career path. Students are taught how to manage their time well in a hectic schedule. They also learn to work in a team so as to encourage their social behavior. It is imperative that students should earn a degree to gain a successful life.

Hope this can help, good luck for you! - Vania Herlambang

Thank you very much for your help, guys. I think my all your recomandations would efficient ^.^

Could you please give me a advice? Should I put a number in body paragraph, like this sentence: In addition, the unemployment rate of Vietnam is more and more increasingly with 72.000 bachelors each year.

I am grateful if you can help me ^.^

I think it's Ok to put statistics as a example in the body paragraph, even it can support your idea a lot. (Notice that this is a typical writing style of Western knowledgeable author in their articles). However, it requires you a mastery of updated information about numerous aspects:economy, eduction, health, etc, which, of course, makes it not always an easy task for you in IELTS or TOEFL with limited time set. Also, the figures about the unemployment in Vietnam does not fit your essay well, because you do not have a general idea to support (you just put it after the connector "In addition").Suggestions: In addition -> That's why the unemployment rate ...