Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others,however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be.
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience
These days, advance era, has made all necessaries easier to be done due to a wide range of discoveries which help way of human's life. While a half society reveals that the great progress of modern world brings a problem affecting to the quality of people's health due to using a chemical substance in the development of agricultural plant and mixing a chemical substance to the various diets. I utterly argue that modern world experiences a considerably amount of benefit which provide access to the society for ensuring what the best ones to keep the healthy life, such as conducting a little exercise and paying attention diet pattern.
With regard to severe effect of modernization, some believe it is acceptable for several excuses. Firstly, they reckon that as the result of agriculture, vegetable are the most important for the human's life becoming a crucial matter since the chemical substance has been the part of the farming like the use of pesticides. By doing so, it will damage the level of quality health of the society. Furthermore, various dishes, processed by passing a large number of methods have been mixed with a plenty of other substances in order to occur a novel chemical reaction. As a result, if it consumes regularly. It will have impacted to body health.
However, the merit of modern world opens a chance to know better way regarding to live far from illness. First, exercise is one of the core ways to keep body's health, many gym places which is available now provide all sorts of modern facilities that can help to develop health rate. In addition, bustle sometimes brings people who unawareness by their health in particular eating pattern. Use of catering service becomes one of alternative advancements to deal with this problem. Finally, it is clear that modern era has been lead changes in healt life of human being.
To sum up, although some people argue the effect of modernization has been decked out health, I would argue there are sufficient evidence to demonstrate that modern era shows an easy to obtain better health access.
Overall, this is actually a good essay. However, in my opinion, two provided reasons concerning to the question why modern people are easy to have an unhealthy lifestyle are weak and difficult to understand. You need to explain clearly what you mean about 'chemical substances in both agriculture and diet'. In this case, you need something more concrete and specific. I find a good site you can use to develop your essay (regenerate-wellness/unhealthylifestyle.html).
Although I notice that your writing is pretty convoluted, I can say that your third paragraph does not have any serious problem. Here, what you need to do is practice more and more.
Hope this little suggestion helps. Keep writing ~ Shinta
Be wary of certain grammar errors, such as "These days, advance era,our advanced era has made all necessaries easier to be donelife easier due to a wide range of discoveries which help way of human's life."
Also pay attention to word choice, which can interfere with what I think is your meaning at times: "With regard to severe effect of modernization, some believe it is acceptable for severalexcuses. (reasons? causes?)"
Pay attention to your conclusions, it is a little too brief and abrupt to form a smooth ending. Try and recapitulate all your argument's points at the end.
eddies [Contributor]
25 / 1,208 
476 - I suggest shortening the first paragraph. Here is my sample; Modern lifestyles lead a sedentary life. As such, many people are struggling to ensure healthy lives. Yet, it is argued that regular strenuous exercise helps people immediately stay healthy and fit . As you can see, there seems to be a catchy sentence. Although some students shun adding such a hook when it comes to their essay, I think this is very good attempt to attract your readers attention.
- I like the way you present the idea in the second paragraph. However, some grammatical errors have called a halt to the overall progression. A closer look at the findings vegetable are..., various dishes, processed by passing a large number of methods have..., it consumes regularly..., etc.
- As discussed, too many grammar errors impede the communication. Although this issue also appears in the paragraph 3, you are not so much concerned about the supporting ideas. The clear supporting ideas should be followed by detailed information. To do this, asking journalistic questions, 5W+1H, really works to lift your score.
- Adding your personal thought just after the paraphrased thesis is the best way to avoid being repetitive in the conclusion. Otherwise, your score in TR will hover at six.
hope this helps, eddy suaib.
