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IELTS Task II: The purpose of business is to make money


broerjuang 5 / 6 1  
Sep 17, 2015   #1
The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this.
Do you agree or disagree


Since the dawn of globalization, market is widely open for everyone to enter the business world. It is sometimes argued that the main motivation for starting a business is only money, and people shall only stick with it. However, I disagree with such claim because I think that innovation and people are the key ingredients of successful enterprise.

To begin, even money is important, but innovation is the king. In modern era, businesses are driven by the ability to solve a new problem. Google, for example, has a large capital, which successfully hires the best engineers and builds the modern infrastructures, but its social networking product, Google+, is failed to attract general audiences. This is probably because Google lacks of attention on the innovation side of its social media; it tends to imitate what already existed out there.

Moreover, business shall also focus on upgrading its people. Because of the constant changes, this seems inevitable that the ability of each individual in the company will bring the business in the next level. According to Harvard Business Reviews, business ventures which invested their fund on their employee's knowledge tend to be succeeding on achieving the venture's objective and winning the global market. In addition, some corporation which is only focus on maximizing income and ignores their workers' skills will be departed from global competition. It is clear, therefore, that the continuous changes demand collaboration of knowledgeable and creative people.

The aforementioned argument revels that although money is crucial for business, the other factors, such as innovation and people, cannot be disregarded.
EF_Carol - / 145 39  
Sep 17, 2015   #2
I think you could expand your conclusion a little. Devote some space to why this is your conclusion. Expand on how you got there.

The aforementioned argument...

You can just repeat the argument of the intro, but not verbatim.

innovation and people are the key...

Your intro says this and yet the conclusion merely says they cannot be disregrded.

You need to decide how important they are to business success, and be consistent.

Good start! With some attention where I pointed, you will improve your essay. Just rethink the importance of your key factors. Are innovations and people vital or Judy an important part of the picture of success?

ef _carol
shintacandrade 10 / 74 87  
Sep 20, 2015   #3
Hi Juang, these are my little comments :)

people shall only stick with it

...stick to it...
For this context, stick collocates with to since stick to means that if you stick to a law, rule or promise, you obey it or do what it states (Cambridge dictionary)

even money is important, but innovation is the king

I actually wonder with this sentence, but I think what you mean is this: even tough money is important, innovation is the king .

I disagree with such claim because I think that innovation

I disagree with such a claim since innovation

The aforementioned argument revels that although money is crucial for business, the other factors, such as innovation and people, cannot be disregarded.

For the concluding paragraph, it is suggested that after restating your thesis, better you end it with a final thought.

~ Shinta


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