The party that should take responsibility for children's healthy lifestyle is parents and schools

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Health is significant aspect in people's lives. An opinion about many children do not choose healthy lifestyle today, and not only school but also parents should take a responsible to tackle this problem, are still having pros and cons. I personally believe that both of them has the important role and should encourage the children so they avoid unhealthy lifestyle.

Children have a tendency to like ready-meals food to be eaten either for breakfast or dinner as they are very tasty and delicious dish which is offered without a long time. For example, restaurant where provides a fast food such as Mc Donald and KFC is the great example of this. There are many children in shopping mall with their parents in that place. They tend having a big interest to eat fast food, and then the child persuades their parents to buy that dish. As a result, children can experience body-weight problem such as obesity and other disease. Therefore, it can be seen from the example that parents are the significant side who should educate children, so that they are more like to elect the healthy lifestyle.

However, most of children spent plenty of time in their school. They are frequently buying unhealthy food that can threat their health. Canteen in school is not rarely selling unhealthy food, and children buy it in rest hours. As a consequence, they may obtain some disease after eating that snack. It is evidence that the party of schools should pay attention of this phenomenon.

The aforementioned shows that it is not in a low-number of children who choose unhealthy lifestyle and the party that should take a responsible is parents and schools. I would argue that both of them is the major side to this problem.

This essay partially answers the question, since you only discuss one side of the argument without any concession statement. Have a look at the IELTS writing band descriptor shows that full responses are needed to earn a score with flying colors. Here is an example;

Body paragraph 2
Agree: It is parents and school that have a responsibility for this issue
Explanation: Both are of more time interacting with children. Sadly, they are too busy.

Body paragraph 3
Disagree: other parties, such health authorities and media also play important roles
Explanation: educating children by broadcasting TV program on how to live better. Yet, need more funds and efforts to do so

Hope this helps :D