Hi friends, this is my writing IELTS task II, I hope you can help to give some suggestion to improve my writing, thanks
Recent research has shown that media like the internet and TV have a greater influence over people's lives than politicians.
Which do you consider to be the greater influence ?
The recent model of mass media such us the internet and TV have been influencing to the residents activities based on the novel study, while others argue that it influenced more to how politicians communicate their horizons. I am pretty sure that the cutting-edge technology of media has more great effect for human attitudes than parliament members.
There is no doubt that human behaviours are influenced by the use of recent technologies. This is because it lead people especially for the pupils who imitate TV programmes or internet contents to behave in their activities. For example, when the kids watch the cartoons or entertainment programmes, sometimes they try to duplicate the example from those programmes which are possibly inappropriate. Therefore, it is shown that the human's lives have a correlation to the media which has impacted significantly to their behaviours.
However, it influenced some activities of politicians as well. This is because the internet and TV provide an opportunity to spread their idea. To illustrate, it has witnessed that there is a large number of politicians use social media such as Facebook or Twitter to campaign and share their concept throughout the societies. Barack Obama, a president of the U.S, has utilised social media for campaigning their work programmes in order to boost the standard of living of the American people. Hence, this would be essential for the politicians to change the way of politicians communicating with the public.
In conclusion, it is imperative that although the sophisticated technology is of a large impact to the politicians, the greater effect is being felt by resident lives. I firmly believe that human behaviour has been transformed due to the impact of using technology.
hi.. fardan, let me give you some opinions.
The recent model of mass media such us the internet and TV havehas been influencing...
subject and verb do not agree.
the residents activities
you need to know which is head and/or modifier. the head is activities, so you do not need to put plural nouns before. because resident functions as modifier.
plural noun : more great effects
This is because it leads people
for the idea, i think the examples shown has no correlation. in the third paragraph, it is essential to give example how internet and TV influence politician, not how politician uses media to influence society.
thanks fardan, hopefully it is useful.
Hai Fardan, I am really interesting to read your essay. It is completely clear. But let me to give you a suggetion.
However, it influenced some activities of politicians as well. This is because ...
in above pharagraph, you have topic idea about how politicians influence public perceive. But, you describes a technology that is still associated with the media. You should not discuss again about media on the part of third paragraph. Make a topic sentences focus on how the government affects the community. Do not associate with previous variable, so the third paragraph in you essay become more organized and focused.
