More working families these days are in favor of fast food to be consumed by their children. What problem will be resulted from this phenomenon and what solution you give to overcome this case.
Recent decades, life style force family to provide fast food for their children because parents are more spending time on working all day. This phenomenon give negative impact for children health. Several alternatives can be implemented to cope with this problem such as cooking with simply recipe and buying effectively kitchen appliances.
Eating fast food will be impact for children health because children not receive many good nutrient for their body whereas they still growth period. For example bread, mayonnaise, fried potatoes and fried chiken contain more fat rather than other nutrient such as protein and vitamin because of that children at risk obesity. Furthermore junk food contains chemical ingredients activating cancer disease. For instance tomato sauce, chili sauce and mayonnaise are from food industry.
This is a reason why working parents should cook by themselves for their children. Many popular chef give simply recipe in their publishing book or we can search in internet. More over many brands offer kitchen appliances. Innovation and creation from expert to make kitchen appliances. For example There are some kinds of knife with different size and function to make our cook activity easier and faster.
All in all, fast food is not good for parents and children health. Parents has consider to cook by themselves, nevertheless their busy all day. Because of cooking activities today can be easily, fun and faster eith recipe from popular chef and innovation from kitchen appliances
Devi, welcome to EssayForum :) I believe that you are here for seeking valuable outcome in improving your IELTS writing skills. You came to the right place. In this forum, you can get constructive feedback from other members, and you are suggested to convey your ideas through their essays too. This international peer-corrections helps you to enhance your writing skills, especially when it comes to IELTS writing.
Now, with regards to my corrections and feedback towards your introduction and 1st body paragraph, you can see the descriptions below:
- This phenomenon givegives negative impact fortowardschildrenchildren's health.
- Several alternatives can be implemented to cope withovercome this problem...
- ...cooking with simplysimple recipe and buying effectivelyeffectively buying kitchen appliances.
- ...many good nutrientnutrients for their...
- ...fried potatoes, and fried chikenchicken ...
- ...vitamin because of that children at risk obesity.are at obesity risk.(you seem have no idea when to use because and when to use because of. 'Because' followed by subject and verb, 'because of' followed by noun phrase)
- For instance, (comma needed) tomato sauce, chili sauce and mayonnaise... (why did you stop on example? you need to conclude this paragraph)
As you can see Devi, you still need a lot of works to do, I hope my feedback and corrections will be helpful. The last 2 paragraph you can proofread by yourself, or waiting the corrections from other members. Good Luck for the next practice :)
eddies [Contributor]
25 / 1,208 
476 Slight improvements:
- In recent decades
- lifestyles have forced
- parents spend more time working
- Such a phenomenon addresses negative impacts on
- simply recipes
- it seems that children eating fast food are bound to have fragile health condition
- they are going through a growing period
- For example, eating diets with more saturated fat, such as carbs, avocado and all terrains is risk-taking behavior, and therefore this leads to obesity
