Question :
These days we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behavior. Do you agree or disagree?
Answer :
The advance of technology effects on accessible information likes do not have limit rules. Because of that, in nowdays easier to watch violence in television and therefore it gives negative effects on children's behavior. This essay will stay in line with such idea because children tend to imitate what they see, and what they hear. They are not mature enough to distinguish between right and wrong values.
Some shows on television indirectly lead to bad effect for children, due to negative content such as the harshness. This is because of children growth phase make they always copy and record everything shows in their eyes. For the example, Indonesia Broadcasting Commision in 2013 annouced television shows including news and drama movie are the factors behind most cases of violence by children. Data on commision shows throughout 2012 to March 2013, there are more than five teenage and children drama movies who receive special attention for showing violence on children's showtimes.
Copy, record, and imitate were appart of future learning for them. In this case, childrens do not have ability to thingking like older people. The childrens only have little experience as same as they ages.They do not have mindset to choose the best thing to imitate. Another example are speaking, walking, laughing, and running emerge due to copy paste activity on children's life.
To Conclude, bad things may happens from spectacles that are not good because they copy it. Childrens does not understand about moral value that can be taken. By this, It case should noticed by our govermens especially in Indonesia there is Indonesia Broadcasting Commision and it recommended if they makes rules such us violence on television is forbidden.
Here is some corrections for your essay
accessible information likes do not have rules = it might be good if you try this " accessible information seems to cross the boundary"
Because of that, in nowdays easier to watch violence in television and therefore it gives negative effects on children's behavior = thus, nowadays, it is easier to see violence on television. Therefore, it sends negative effects on children's behavior.
They are not mature enough to distinguish between right or wrong values = the are unable to diffentiate what is good for them due to the age.
This is because of children growth phase make they always copy and record everything shows in their eyes = this is solely because the growth make them to grow a tendency to imitate everything they see.
For the example = for example
Annoucedtelevision shows including news and drama movie are the factors behind most cases of violence by children = announced that television shows such as News and Drama movies are the benefactor of most cases happened to children.
five teenage and children drama movies who receive special attention for showing violence on children's showtimes = five teens and kids drama movies who get intent focus for showing violence on kids' shows.
Copy, record, and imitate were appart of future learning for them = Copy, record, and imitate are way apart from the way of learning the kids should get in the future.
Childrens = children
Do not have ability to thinking = do not have the ability to think.
The childrens only have little experience as same as they ages = the children's level of grasping something is limited to their age.
some of your errors are just about spelling. i hope i can help your essay with my suggestion.
Hi Meireza, here's additional assistance form my end.
- The advancement of
- technology ea ffects
- on accessible information likes do not have limitthe accessibility of information and its limited rules.
- Because of thatthis ,
- in nowa days its
- due to the negative
- content such as the harshness.
- This is because of childrens growth - phase makemeans they always
- shows inthat their eyes can see .
-Broadcasting Commis sion
- in 2013 announ ced television
- commis sion shows
- that throughout 2012
- received special attention
There you have it Meireza, I hope this is another useful and valuable insights towards your revision. One thing that I noticed in your essay is the format or the construction of your sentences, it seems like you are putting everything in one sentence and this is very confusing, this is what exactly happened in your sentences. Well of course, you have a lot of time to practice and get better at this craft and one way is posting it here on EF so we can help you out.
