Hello fellas, i need your strong feedback in my writing, Please gimme your suggestion to improve my: Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource and Grammar. :)
Question:
Many people depend on their cars for everyday domestic, social, and working need. However, unlimited use of cars causes a number of problems.
What are some problems? What can be done to reduce the use of car?
Demanding on car is common happened in society for several reasons, such as for daily basis, making impact in community, and some business needs. While people rely on these vehicles, i utterly convince that the uncontrollable number of car used will give a vital problem, especially for traffic congestion. However, this complex situation can be ameliorated when public transportation services are developed.
The immense crucial impact that caused by highly number of car transport is traffic stagnancy. This is related to the road which unable to accommodate many cars. This is exemplified by 10% of rising per year for the number of car, in India, according to Mumbai University Assessment. This research predict, if the increasing trend is remained stable for 10 years ahead, it will possible when people comes out of the house, they will immediately see traffic in front of their home. In the long-run, the traffic shutdown is expected to come about as the number of vehicle miles traveled continues to grow.
Public transportation is the worth idea to combat against the number of vehicles on the road and vehicle miles traveled. Thus, where massive transportation is available, it makes roads work better. According to a Federal Transit Administration (FTA) study of six urban cities, it was reveal that 10% of car users who moving into public transport can absorb 17.000 passengers per year. But, to relieve congestion, investment priority must shift toward dramatic expansion of high-capacity public transportation systems which government need to spent specific huge amount of budget for this solution.
To sum up, although some say using car is highly probable makes our life easier, it can be denied, this fact will lead to worse condition such as traffic back up. What is more, i believe that the government can take into action by working hard to provide the convenience mass transport as their step to solve this demon circle.
hello meirama, nice you work in Essay Forum.
I will try to give writing feedback for you, and here is it :
... number of vehicles on the road and vehiclevehicle's miles traveled.
... is available, it makes roadsroad work better. According to a Federal Transit Administration (FTA) study of six urban cities, it was reveal that 10% of car users ...
good luck :)
paragraph 1
Demanding on car is commonly happeneds in society for several reasons, such as for daily basis, making impact in community, and some business needs.
i don't understand with a phrase making impact
While people rely on thesetheir vehicles, i utterly convince that the uncontrollable number of car usedusage will give a vital problem, especially for traffic congestion.
paragraph 2
The immense crucial impact that is caused by highly number of car transport is traffic stagnancy.
This is related to the road which is unable to accommodate many cars. This is exemplified by 10% of rising per year for the number of car10% of rising number of car per year , in India, according to Mumbai University Assessment. This research predicts :, if the increasing trend is remaineds stable for 10 years ahead, it will be possible when people comes out of the house, they will immediately see traffic in front of their home. In the long-run, the traffic shutdown is expected to come about as the number of vehicle miles traveled continues to grow.
paragraph 3
Public transportation is the worth idea to combat against the number of vehicles on the road and vehicle miles traveled.
does the sentence below support (or opposes)?
Thus, where massive transportation is available, it makes roads work better.
what idea do you really want to state?
... it was reveal that 10% of car users who move into public transport can absorb (...) transportation systems which government need to spentd specific huge amount of budget for this solution.
paragraph 4
To sum up, although some say using car is highly probablelikely makes our life easier,
Hi Nurul, as I read and understand your essay, I must say the first two paragraphs needs a lot of polishing, below are my suggestions.
- DemandingThe demand on car
- is common happened in todays society
- daily basiscommute ,
- making impact in the community,
- iI'm utterly convinced that the
- will givecause a vital problem, - especially foron traffic congestion.
- The immense crucial impact that is caused - by highlyhuge number
- This is exemplifiedintensified by 10% - of rising number of cars per year
- for the number of car, in India,
- it will possible when people comes out of the house,
There you have it Nurul, I hope the corrections are helpful in your revision.
#CONCLUSION
whats app Meirama your essay is good, i have a suggestion to your conclusion paragraph :
you can make more than 2 sentences and
you could use this pattern :
1. restatement the question
2. opinion,
3. new idea such as hope, recommendation
I hope that my suggestions help.
To sum up, although some say using car is ...
My suggestion :
To sump up, it is evident that those are some problems and solutions reducing cars in our daily activities. In my opinion, i believe that the government can take into action by working hard to provide the convenience mass transport as their step to solve this demon circle. Then, i recommend citizens to change their habits to use public transportation.
