Everybody are interested in famous people or has a dream of being a famous celebrity; having cost clothes, a penthouse, signing autographs and a famous relationship. But, who said being famous was always fun?
The main advantage is that everybody knows them. So, they have so much fans, people admire them and want to be like them, and they are rich. Another advantage is that they can make a contribution to society or they can be ambitious. For example, when people helps to somebody who hasn't got anything to eat or they spend money on food to make videos about how they have a food fight. In addition, they have a lot of followers on Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat.
On the other hand, there also some important disadvantages. Because famous people can't lead lives of normal people or can attract stalkers that become obsessed. Although they feel good when they are somebody's, but they don't have any privacity when they go out and the paparazzis are following them all the time.
To sum up, being famous is difficult, but those who get the opportunity, it is because they really want it.
Hey Narela, here are some suggestions from my side. The essay was quite informal kind of conversation. You need to revise writing the sentences completely not half broken. Keep writing and I hope my editing will help you get an idea.
Everybody is ........ becoming a famous celebrity....expensive clothes,.........famous relationship. (What you mean by this?)
... advantage is the recognition they earn worldwide.. People admire ....... They can be ambitious and can contribute towards the uplifting of the society as they got the power and money to make the things happen in their favor. For example, they help the homeless and below poverty line families by fighting against social causes. ............
........ They are not allowed to lead a simple life like a common man because of numerous fan following and paparazzo. Though it makes them feel good to be a celebrity but on the same side, they are not allowed to live an ordinary life which brings peace.
Hi Narela, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, let us help you out in each and every writing project that you have and we strive to provide you with the most accurate and credible as well as useful insights and suggestions you need to enhance your essay and keep it stronger than ever.
Having said that, please find my suggestions below;
- Everybody areone is interested
- in becoming a famous peopleperson
- celebrity;, having costhigh value or luxury clothes,
- ButHowever ( refrain from using "but" to begin your sentences, substitute it with "however", "on the other hand", or any other word or phrase that denotes contradicting ideas ) ,
- who said being famous wasis always fun?
- So, they have so muchThey have fans,
- to the society
- a personpeople helps to
- somebody who hasn't gotdoesn't have
- On the other hand, there also some importantare a lot of disadvantages being famous, because. Because
- they are somebody'sfamous ,
- but they don't have any privacityprivacy,
- when they go out and the paparazzi' s are
- buthowever, those who get the
There you have it Narela, overall the essay is written in a way that a reviewer can understand and quiet frankly, I have to rephrase almost each and every sentence that you created, this is because, you are not paying attention to the sentence construction. Now, don't get me wrong, I know that you are trying your best and you are in the right category and determination as well as the will to learn and practice the language is the right course to make sure that you will get better if not the best at this craft.
Hello Narela, your text needs a considerable rectification, here are my suggestions/corrections/explanations:
Everybody is interested in famous people or has a dream of being a famous celebrity(you mustn't use the collocation famous celebrity, because it's tautologous - the word celebrity means a famous living person) ; having clothes produced by luxury fashion brands [...] and a famous relationshipgetting acquainted with influential people. [...]
On the one hand, there are many advantages of being a celebrity, the main of them - everybody knows them. So, they have muchmany fans all around the world [...]. Another advantage is that they can make a substantial contribution to solving social problems: for example, by making videos to draw public attention to current social issues.For example, when people helps to somebody who hasn't got anything to eat or they spend money on food to make videos about how they have a food fight. [...]
On the other hand, there are also some important disadvantages: Because celebrities can't lead lives of normalordinary people, [...]. Although they feel good when they are somebody's , being persons of figure , but they don't have any privacityprivacy when they go out and the paparazzis(plural noun form)hound them all the time.
[...], but those who get the opportunity, it is because they really want it.so only those who agree to put up with the downsides of living a life of celebrity use such an opportunity if they get it.
I highly recommend you to improve your level of English.
Regards.
Being a celebrity: a dream or a nightmare?
Generally, fame is usually considered as a source of power and quality life. From the fans perspective, it's their fancy, their dearest aim to replicate their stars' clothing and everyday actions to feel satisfaction. Nevertheless, some still reckon that celebrity can be a true nightmare due to many factors. So, the real question is how can fame made people miserable rather than giving them the perfect taste of a cozy life?
In fact, when it comes down to famous people, we all keen on the bright and sensational part of their lives: the expensive cars, hot chicks, unique penthouses. They're wanted for pictures, signing autographs and even hand shakes by fans who take their stars as idols and real success examples. They're followed insanely on social media and their comments or pictures are considered red-hot news that shortly go viral. Thus, these ordinary people, who achieved progress, especially actors and singers, are utterly followed, admired and worshiped by others. From my perspective, I think, when doing their jobs, celebrities are more likely to enjoy gusty moments, yet, as fans can be genuinely rigid, fame can give some headaches regarding personal life.
Logically, celebrities hold a reputation that they're not willing to ruin, as a matter of fact they want appear to the crowd the way they plan to avoid embarrassing moments, hereupon, being followed by nosy people is frustrating. Let me break down for you, for instance, a famous person is actually an ordinary human being who have needs like sleeping peacefully, enjoying some privacy at home and meeting personal friends who doesn't want to get involved in "fame life". So, his life could be corrupted by getting seen in uncomfortable positions because there are people whose duty is to follow famous people and get them anguished by selling pictures of celebrities to magazines to give people a glance at their idols' personal life. Apparently, the paparazzi, who I was talking about, seems to be a true nightmare for them. Sometimes, the facts or the pictures revealed are far too dangerous or embarrassing that celebrities could accept giving away their reputation to get saved from the shame. Facts like getting proof of a singer taking drugs or pictures showing an actor having desperate needs that make them a pedophile can be counted as cases that ruined famous people's lives heretofore.
Taking a closer look on both sides of celebrity life, I find that fame is just a mis-behavioral chain reaction that led a totally successful and respected person into the hurricane of social media. Despite, what it has as advantages, it has severe stains on the famous people's psychological health and well-being. So, living with success as a dark horse is definitely a permanent solution; you're respected, loved but ultimately flying off the nosy people's radar.
To sum up, whether you're in the shadows or known by everyone around you, you need to make sure to make the right decisions to avoid people's attention or to put a space between your job and your privacy in order to have quiet as any human being needs.
Your essay is well crafted but there are a few things that you need to elaborate on. Things like in what other ways do the fans envy celebrities? How do the celebrities deal with the pressures that come from fame?
Hi Akkari, welcome to EssayForum :) With regards to your essay, I would like to point out some of your weaknesses in order to strengthen your essay later on. I hope you can find it helpful towards your essay-writing skill development. Now, you can see the detailed descriptions of your weaknesses and some suggestions below.
- In academic essay, it is not recommended to use contraction(s) like "They're, it's, you're...". You should make those in proper format, such as "they are, it is, you are..". Using contraction(s) only make your essay becomes less formal or less academic.
- Cambridge academic writing skill book said that in academic essay you also need to avoid using coordinating conjunctions in the beginning of the sentence. The coordinating conjunctions are FANBOYS (For, And, Nor, But, Or, Yet, So). Using one of these in the beginning of the sentence will also make your essay becomes less academic. I have seen that you have used "So" several times, and therefore you can use "Thus/Hence/As a result" instead of "So".
- Personal pronouns should also be avoided in academic essay. You have used them too much. Perhaps, "we" can be replaced by "people", and "you" can also be substituted by "people". Switching from first or two person to third person point of view is necessary.
- Avoid stating informal words or phrase such as "hot chicks". You cannot expect older people or even your teacher will consider this as proper words. This phrase can only be seen on American movies not in written format.
Those are my contributions relating to how to write an essay academically. However, if your writing was not related to an academic essay, you can just ignore all of the suggestions above. I did focusing on academic point of view because I think your essay's content is related to that. Good luck in revising this essay :)
Hi!
Maybe you could replace 'so' as 'therefore' in this sentence.
SoTherfore , the real question is howcan fame mademake people miserable rather than giving ...
Hi Majd, I hope to provide you further enhancement for your essay.
- Generally, fame is usually( yo referred your idea as general and this also means usual, so having this two words in a sentence is redundant )
- dearest aimgoal ( I believe this word is more appropriate) to replicate
- their stars'( an apostrophe is not necessary in the word "stars")
- that becoming a celebrity
- the real question is, how can
- fame mademake people miserable
- we are all keen on
- takeidolize their stars
- as idols and look up to them as real success examples.
- They're followedthem insanely on
- fame can give some headachescause issues in theirregarding personal life.
Overall, it is a well written essay, you are creative in expressing your opinion towards the subject at hand and I hope the above corrections strengthen the essay even more.
