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The percentage of money consumed for several different outgoings by a school in UK


Wilyaftika23 46 / 37 1  
Nov 5, 2016   #1
These three pie charts show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991, and 2001

The pie charts give the information about the percentage of money outcome because several factors by particularly UK school. Data covered in 1981, 1991, and 2001. Overall, it can be seen that the biggest outcome by a school was 'Teachers Salaries' category and over a three-year period this percentage was above 40 percent.

The percentage of 'teacher salaries' category was a dramatic rise of 10 percent in 1991, but in 2001 this number fell gradually to 45 percent. Besides that, over three- years period the percentage of 'insurance' category was lower than others and this always rose by 1 and 5 percent in 1991 and 2001 respectively. From 1981 to 2001, the percentage of 'other workers salaries' category decreased extremely by 6 and 7 percent particularly.

In 1981, the percentage of 'resources e.g books' category was same at 15 percent. Besides that, in 1991 the percentage of 'resources e.g books' category was greater than 'furniture and equipment' category 20 and 5 percent respectively. In contrass, in 2001 this category was lower than 'furniture and equipment' category at 9 and 23 percent particularly.
hathutran 2 / 2 1  
Nov 5, 2016   #2
Dear @Wilyaftika23, these are my correction and advices for your work:

The pie charts give the information about the percentage of money outcome because of several factors by particularly UK school with data collected in 1981, 1991, and 2001.

Overall, it can be seen that (...) this percentage was above 40 percent. => you should not add specific numbers to the overview sentence.

The percentage of 'teacher salaries' category was ... => There was a dramatic rise in the percentage of 'teacher salaries' category by 10 percent in 1991.

Besides that => "Besides" or "In addition to that" or "In addition" only

Besides that, over three- years period the percentage ... => You should rewrite this sentence to make it clearer. Sorry, I don't know your question so can't clarify it immediately.

Generally, you should avoid repeating the same word many times, such as "category" or "besides that". Try to diversify your expression. Good luck !
faizunaa17 49 / 91  
Nov 5, 2016   #3
...and over a three-year period this percentage was ...

1) THREE YEAR OR THIRTY YEAR ? Be careful of this.

... category was lower than THE others and this...

2) ARTICLE "THE"

In 1981, the percentage of'resources e.g books' category was same at 15 percent.
Besides that, in 1991 the percentage of 'resources e.g books' category was greater than 'furniture and equipment' category 20 and ...
In contrasscontrast, in 2001 this category was lower than 'furniture and equipment' category at 9 and ...

3) REPETITION. You should AVOID THIS !

4) TYPO . contrass ---> CONTRAST


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