The data give information about total of fish catch and total of fishing vessel used in Westhaven during 2008 to 2011. Overall, it can be seen that every total of fish caught increased the number of fishing boats rose as well.
First of all, the first bar chart shows that during the time rate of tuna fish caught increased dramatically from 83 in 2008 to 110 in 2011. In the last period caught of tuna reached the highest value at 110. On the other word, rate of swordfish caught increased steadily by 100 in the fisrt two period, but their point decrease in the next period in 2010 at 78.
On the other hand, the second data shows that the biggest total of fishing vessel was in 2011 at 79; while the lowest point was in 2010 at 48. Not only that, but also there was fascinating phenomenon, it was in 2008 total swordfish 83 and total fishing boat was 50, then in 2009, number of swordfish was 100 and number of fishing vessel was 55, it mean that every fishing boat increased total of swordfish rose as well.
Hello Syaikh,
... information about THE total of fish catchTHAT IS CATCHED and totalTHE QUANTITY of fishing vessel THAT IS used in Westhaven duringFROM 2008 to 2011
1. ARTICLE THE---> DON'T FORGET PLACE IT
2. CATCH (MENANGKAP) ---> VERB. THAT IS CATCHED (YANG DITANGKAP) ---> VERB IN PASSIVE FORM (
3. AVOID REPETITION IN ONE SENTENCE. USE THE SYNONIM: TOTAL = AMOUNT = QUANTITY = SUM
4. USED (MENGGUNAKAN) ---> VERB FOR PAST TENSE | THAT IS USED ----> VERB IN PASSIVE, FOR PASSIVE SIMPLE PRESENT.
5. DURING ---> SELAMA . (USING LIKE THAT : DURING 5 YEARS). FROM ALWAYS FOLLOWED BY TO ----> FROM BLA BLA BLA TO BLA BLA BLA
... be seen that every total of fish caught increased [DOUBLE VERB] the number of fishing boats rose as well . [VERY POOR SENTENCE STRUCTURE, AND WHAT THE MEANING OF THIS
Overall, it can be seen that the increasing of the number of fishes that was caught were followed with the raise of the fishing boats' quantity.
Since you don't upload your picture of the graph, I cannot continue my correction.
Hello, @Bams17, Let me give you some suggestions :)
The data give information about [the] total of fish ... =>It will be better if you just using simple present tense in your introductory paragraph because in here you just initial to reporting the results of the graph, pie chart, or table that you have seen. Then, put the information of data measurement it would be better for your introductory information.
First of all, the first bar chart shows that during the time rate of ...=>I think your tenses in here are inconsistent, thus you must to just using one tense in here for making your sentences easier understandable.So, I suggest you for just using the past tense or present perfect tense in your body paragraph.
On the other word, [the] rate of swordfish (...) by 100 in the fisrt =>first two period =>periods , but their point ...
Not only that, => no need to put comma but also there (...) of fishing vessel was 55, it mean =>means that every fishing boat increased [the] total of ...
Hope my suggestions can help you better in the next written :) Keep writing and good Luck :)
