Some people think that hard work and determination are the keys to success in life. Some, on the other hand, think that there are other factors behind a successful life. Give your opinion
These days, the majority of people believe that hard-working and determination are the way to be a successful person. Meanwhile, a number of aspects are able to make people success. However, as far as I am concerned, those two things and other categories will bring people to have bright future. This essay will first discuss about spirit to have better life and making final target as the key of success and then talk about permit and support from parents to make dreams coming true.
To begin with, everyone can gain a success if they want to give all efforts that they have and have full of spirit which will push people beyond their limitation. After that, with strong determination every obstacle that comes to people's life will extremely be easier to face, and determine what our target able to boost motivation in life is. According to the story of Muhammad Ali, world boxing champions, he had tremendously power to fight their opponent even though he got various injured in his body. It is my firm belief that if there is a will, there is a way, and I am utterly sure that people able to prove it in their entire life.
On the other hand, other factors can be considered to reach the top of inhabitants' life. Firstly, without permit and support from parents everything is impossible due to the fact that they are the nearest members and know anything in people's life. Also, by having purpose to help other people after being success will make the steps simpler. For instance, when I faced final exam in my university, I asked my family to give all support to me and finally I could pass it perfectly. In my opinion, people will help us to be success if we help other people as well. So, do the best for us and for everyone.
To sum up, I believe that hard-working and great determination will bring us to get our dream and support from family gives essential power to keep going for being successful person.
Mardian, this is a little suggestion for you.
... efforts that they have and have full of spirit which ...
You make repetition there. It is not good in my opinion. Why you don't change like this:
... that they have and
FULFILL THEIR MIND WITH spirit which will push ...
he had tremendouslyTREMENDOUS power to fight their ...
tremendously ---> adverb
tremendous ---> adjective
placing adjective before noun is more appropriate
DEAR MARDIAN.
To begin with, IT IS UNDENIABLY BELIEVED THAT everyone HUMAN BEINGS can gain a successFULL LIFE if they want to give all effortsthat theyhaveand have full of spirit AND WANT TO GIVE FULL EFFORTS FOR WHAT THEY AIM which will push THEM beyond their limitation .
... be easier to BE faceD, and determine.
hello, here are my suggestions,
1. After that, with strong determination every obstacle (...), and determine what our target ...
--> you use "determination" or different parts of speech of "determination" several times. It can switch to another word to express the same meaning and show your ability of vocabulary.
2. ... that they are the nearest members and know .....
--> closest might be better.
hope it helps!
