The time when young people finished their school and before take a lecture in the college

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this

The time when young people finished their school and before take a lecture in the college that is opportunity time to take a job in the adolescence. Although there are some advantages to working in young time, I believe that many disadvantages too. The advantages are the enrich work experience and financial matters, meanwhile, the disadvantages are lack of the academic knowledge and also deficiency on finances.

One of two advantages is they who decide to work after school graduation will have enlarged work skill. For the first example, the fresh graduate who early has academic experience such as study oriented, working the task, and only reading or writing skill, in the next time in other places like industry or working area will more learn about keep on stay good process and also they can communicate with many people, so it will increase their new knowledge. For the second example, young people who take a job early after school and before enroll be the student of the university will increase the financial matters in their life. They will have self-income from their job and also it can help family economical in order to suffice with standard life matters.

However, there are many disadvantages of the adolescent who get work in early time before they study in college. Firstly, the young people will have the lack of academic knowledge because many their times has been wasted to focus on the job in the industry. They must review again many studying materials which they are gotten in school level. Secondly, the young people who decide don't to work in transition time, between school and university, will have the financial problem in their life because the need some necessaries to towards the life, but they don't have many ultimates to keep their necessity.

Finally, I can conclude about the decision of the graduate school which will take a job has many advantages to increasing their knowledge and work skill, but it also has many disadvantages in the academic knowledge . I suggest that the adolescent must envisage the two decision in order to appropriate with their life.

... some advantages to workingwork in young time, ... ("to" must be followed by bare infinitive)

... knowledge because many of(Article) their times has been ...

... has many advantages to increasingincrease their knowledge and work ...
... envisage the two decisions in order to ...
("to" must be followed by bare infinitive)

Hi Yuri, there are several mistakes i found in your summary.
1.The time when young people (...) the college that is opportunity time to take a job in the adolescence. --> what do you means for that sentence?

2. that is an opportunity time
3.The advantages are the enrich work experience ...
4. ... some advantages to working(to infinitive to+ bare infinitive) in young time(improper paraphrase)
many advantages to increasing their knowledge (to infinitive to+ bare infinitive)
5. ... also it can help family economicaleconomy in order to suffice with the standard life matters.
6.people who decide don't do not to work ...
7.two decision decisions (plural/singular problem)

hallo yurike here my suggestion for you..

... some advantages toworkingwork in young time, I believe that THERE ARE many disadvantages too.
... work experience and financial matters, meanwhile, the disadvantages (...) and also deficiency on finances.

From your introductory, i think you need learn more about grammatical. First, about to infinitive. In your essay you put v-ing after to in which your mean is to infinitive. It is essential for you to know this, that after to, in form to infinitive, is V1. The second is about your thesis statement, why you put financial matters as the benefits and it also as your drawbacks. It is quite odd and makes reader confuse with your essay. It will make the reader did not fascinate to continue read your essay. So better if you create it quite far between the advantages and its disadvantages.

Good Luck!

Hello Yurike...


TASK:
Some suggest

1. In the question, there is word "some suggest" . But, in your introduction I can't find any paraphrasing of this. maybe "one of the people's opinion / some argue" or the others. Because it is actually someone's argument, so you must enter it in your introduction.

2. RED : what is your meaning of in the adolescence ? "di masa kecil ? " Please avoid to be likely directly translate from Indonesia. Make sure it's appropriate when it's used in English

3. advantages - disadvantages : repetition ------------> pros and cons / positive and negatives / benefit and drawbacks / good and bad / great and worst /