Some organizations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value the quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
The majority of companies regard that they should create regulation about how their employee dress while others more focus on their working performance than worker's dress code. This essay will discuss two points of view regarding such issue.
On the one hand, the workers should well-dressed when they work in departments where they meet many people whether they came from inside or outside of a company. Those who work in marketing department have to dress properly when they have discussion with potential customers or investors as a measure to show company's professionality. Although the stakeholders are not familiar with the culture of the company, they know about that trough how the employees behave and prepare their appearance. As a result, employee's manner will help the industry to create a good image and increase its reputation.
On the other hand, people who are employed as an accountant and spend most of the time on the desk should concern more on their performance although the appearance comes into the play. During working, they do not interact with their members unless it is really needed. Because of that, they tend to focus on duty and avoid a crowded situation which can distract their concentration. Consequently, they are not required to notice their dress-code since it is not important indicator which contributes most to their performance while their quality of work is above all.
In conclusion, while some argue that employees who well-dressed can increase company's image and others tend to choose the quality of work as the key successful factor of a company. In my personal opinion, I believe that both aspects are essential aspects which cannot be separated
hello abraham.. this is my suggestion for you. hopefully it can help you
..., the workers should well-dressed when they work in ...
"should" is modal, and it is should be followed by v1 without indication singular or plural, and also it cannot be followed by v2/3 or adjactive.. so in this sentence should be added "be"
secondly, i think, avoid to use "one one hand and on the other hand at the front of your paragraph respectively owing to the fact that it look like repetition, eventhought both of them have different aims.
and then, be better to you if you put about your opinion and your reason in the introduction
In conclusion, while some argue that ...
In conclusion,as far as I concern, employees who have well-dressed can increasing company's image and the quality of work is an enormous integral factor that be able to make a company successfully. In My opinion, I believe that both of aspects cannot be separated and it can help cooperation to develop quickly.
Lincoln, in terms of task response, you are more likely to get only 5.0. due to partially answer the prompt given. You are obliged to "discuss both views and GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION". Opinion should be clear since the very beginning part of your essay, particularly introduction paragraph. Also, the unfortunate absence of "Overall Progression" in this essay makes your band score in terms of 'Coherence and Cohesion' can only get 5.0. If two out of four criteria of your essay get only 5, it is nearly impossible to make the other two criteria become 6 or even 7. Mostly they go hand-in-hand and the margin is not that wide.
For instance, this sentence "This essay will discuss two points of view regarding such issue." cannot be considered either an opinion or both views discussion because there is no clear ideas about what points of view that you are going to explain. Thus, it is better to add an opinion-sentence and rephrase them. Let me help you with that.
I would argue that both issues are crucial and inseparable. This essay will discuss, first, how company's professionalism can be seen through the outfits and second, how work performance is more significant than appearance.
