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The total download (in 1000s) from three computer packages in five weeks period


kiemwanz 1 / 1  
Dec 24, 2016   #1

Big popularity of Active X package



The bar chart demonstrates the total download (in 1000s) from three computer packages in five weeks periode. Distinctively can be seen from the bar chart that Activex is the highest downloaded by user and Net less popular among internet users.

To begin with, Active X and java that showed same pattern in the early week until final week , the download of both pacakages rose gradually. But compared to two others Active X remain significantly higher along the periode and stood on the top of the list. In the first Week Active X downloaded more than 75000 times wheras, java reached for only 30000 lower than Active x. before finishing the periode in week 4 , there was a slight fall for activex and Java .Finally , in week 5 Activex and Java reached the peak at 120,000 and 80,000 respectively.

Net was the product that downloaded the least compared to others. The Download began slightly under 40,000, in the following week then fell at 25,000 download in week 3. It then increased more than 20,000 download and kept rising until It reached the final score at 60,000 in the final week.
ngokhoa99 11 / 58 14  
Dec 24, 2016   #2
Please include the picture or the link to the picture of the chart you're describing.
Without the graph, I notice that you tend to describe the trend of a value first and then just list out its consecutive figures. It would be better if you can cut down on the numbers and describe the trend WHILE giving out the numbers. This is an example:

Throughout the period, Active X accounted for a significantly higher number of downloads compared to the other two, as its figure increased consistently from 75000 in the first week.
OP kiemwanz 1 / 1  
Dec 24, 2016   #3
thank you for review the link is below and I also attached the picture
ieltsbuddy/ielts-task-1.html



krempetkov 13 / 29 6  
Dec 26, 2016   #4
I think you need to work on you summary sentence. ..."and Net less popular among internet users." - that is not a good sentence, you can try writing something like: "whereas Net was the least popular computer package among the internet users throughout the given period."

Active X and java that showed - remove "that". Also, i will give you the same sentence, but in reverse order - To begin with, the same pattern was observed.... -- It is up to you, which type you will use, but in my opinion this one looks more approptiate.

But compared to two others Active X remain significantly higher along the periode and stood on the top of the list -- Compared to the other two, Active X's proportion remained significantly greater and continually stood on the top of the list


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