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Great role of big sporting competitions in our world


imlost88 2 / 3  
Mar 29, 2017   #1
Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

great role of big sporting competitions



Some sports' advocates believe that popular events like World Cup is crucial means in conciliating conflicts between nations and liberating patriotic pride. I disagree with this view and believe that the role of these sporting occasions is overrated.

Firstly, a single sport tournament could not help alleviate international prolonged disputes. The event, which is held periodically, can sure captivate civilians' attention and enable them to forget the grief they are suffering to join in a celebration of sorts, for a few seconds. However, the majority of the time they have to spend on dealing with serious wars' consequences . Solider and civilian causalities, violation of human rights, infrastructure destruction, crime, illiteracy among other mental health issues from the trauma of the wars would definitely take up a significant amount of time to recover and rebuild. From ancient to recent time, it is ambiguous that sports can bring people together and pave a path to peace. The Romans and Greeks would interrupt battle to participate in the games, but for a fixed time only. While the U.S. national team played Cuba for the first time was due more to FIFA requirements than any diplomatic efforts on the part of either country.

Interestingly, there is a firm correlation between strong feelings of patriotism and the likelihood of war. In fact, people who are patriotic have a greater sense of belonging to a particular nation or what is so-called "national identity." The concept of placing their own country over another in terms of religious differences, political policies or economic envy can encourage violence against the neighboring countries. El Salvado beat Honduras in a World Cup qualifying match which later ignited longstanding elevating tension between the two countries into a brief war is a vivid example of a legacy of pain and pride between the two. The promising outlook that Irag can host its first national soccer team home game takes nothing for granted to the principles of sports which promote cultural plurality and togetherness. In contrast, a deep-rooted destructive relationship after the U.S. evasion of Irag would trigger a revenge massacre for the killing of approximately 500,000 Iraqis.

In conclusion, sports' power to heal is stronger than hatred power to destroy has been mirages. The termination of war demands more than sole sporting diplomacy.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4771  
Mar 29, 2017   #2
Hailung, it is my opinion that you have written an essay worth a score of 6 at the most. While your conviction and tone is very strongly represented in your work, there are still a number of problems that have prevented you from gaining a higher score. One of the problems is the presentation of your opening statement. You presented a 2 sentence overview when the requirement is for a minimum of 3 sentences. You could have presented the reasons separately in order to meet that requirement or, you could have expanded upon the prompt restatement in order to create a more engaging opening piece. The conclusion also suffers from a similar problem. There is also an issue with your lexical resource. Evasion means to avoid something while invasion, means an unwelcome intrusion into another domain. Bear in mind that you will lose points for misused words. So if you are not sure of the meaning, do not use it in the essay. The wrong word usage affects more than your lexical score, it also has a direct effect on your GRA. So your otherwise strong essay was weakened by the problematic language representation.
OP imlost88 2 / 3  
Mar 30, 2017   #3
@Holt

Thank you very much. I appreciate your kind response.

Anyway, if I correct all errors that you've mentioned, what band score can I achieve

And one more thing, could you give me your evaluation after I correct my essay again

Thank you
Mayank7g 9 / 17  
Mar 30, 2017   #4
you should try to support your view with the help of proper examples in the body paragraph and also learn proper usage of the lexical resource.


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