IELTS Task2 Protecting the variety of languages

write about the following topic:

"Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion"

PROTECTING THE VARIETY OF LANGUAGES

I have written this essay once more.
Please give me your advice and score prediction as well.
Many thanks
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Recent survey shows that numerous languages is going to die. Some people think we just take it easy because life is becoming easy to master few languages in the future. But for me, I strongly disagree this view as languages play an irreplaceable role in human society from the past to the future.

Obviously, languages come to resemble as a result of the steady progress of globalization, and language convergence benefit us a lot in many levels. People do not need to be proficient at multiple languages any more, consequently easing their burden in time and money, which could be utilized to do something meaningful. In addition, keeping contact with other countries in economy and culture is increasingly easy, thus our country can give GDP a boost. But it does not imply that taking measures to protect languages from going extinct is useless because it exerts great influence in the development of human society.

There is no doubt that the implication of popular literary works and dramas, expressed in their specific language, can not be concisely expressed by other languages. For example, could you imagine Persian folk songs or Indonesian folk songs is deduced in english. In addition, language existing as one kind of cultural heritage for many years as well as the accumulation of life experience, has been beyond its definition, which could not be replaced by other languages.

Apparently the idea that life will be easier if there are fewer languages is too short-sighted. People holding this view fail to take into consideration the role that languages play in human society upon which the survival of mankind and social progress build. (273 words)

Hi Shirely Fu,

This is my contribution in regards to your essay.Please help me with my essay

A recent survey (...) are going to abolish very soon.Some people believes it's even better since it is easier to learn fewer language. However, I strongly disagree with this view as (...) role in human society from the past to the future.

Obviously, languages have came to resemble as (...) progress of the globalization.
... to be proficient at in multiple languages any more. Therefore,...

Apparently, the idea that ...