Hallo! My name is Tatyana and i am from Bulgaria,so the english language is not my native. I would like to apply to american university hence i need to have perfect SAT result and i will be really thankfull if a teacher, collegian or even student reads my essay and score it.
TOPIC: Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?
taking things in our hands and the liability
"Responsibility is accepting that you are the cause and the solution of the matter", that is why taking the things in your hands would not be a wrong decision. Proof of this statement can easilly be found in the history.
For instance, if we look back, only seventy-five years ago sixty million people died in the second world war, because of one persons beliefs and the reluctance of the majority to take the responsibility for the future of the nation. As can be seen the ideas of the individual or even the community can not solve any problem until all of us do not take an action.
The next example I can give from personal experience. Namely the graffiti problem we had in my school last year made us think and act as a whole. The walls were painted by group of students and the teachers faced big problem. The principal mustered all students in front of one painted wall and asked us only one single question. It was not ''who made it?'', but ''Is that how you show the world who you are?". On the next day we all took the responsibility and cleaned it out to solve not the problem of the school board, but ours, as one community.
In conclusion i can say that our world is builded by every single one of us and if the government or the leaders gives ud the direction only our is the responsibility to follow it or not!Good attempt. However i find your use of the second world war as a case in point sort of out of place. maybe a more positive example would be more appropriate in my opinion.
best wishes all the same.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Tatyana, are you reviewing for the SAT on your own? Are you not attending review classes? Do you not have a review tutor? The reason that I ask is because the prompt that you responded to is more in line with an IELTS or TOEFL review essay instead of a SAT review essay. The typical SAT essay tests your reading, analysis, and writing skills. It is not an opinion essay as the other 2 essays are. The SAT normally asks the student to review a passage taken from a chosen reading and asks you to review and analyze specific criteria based on the given text. Any essay that does not follow the criteria will not be scored. Therefore, your essay has already failed. It does not follow the required parameters for a SAT essay so it cannot be scored accordingly. Let me show you a sample of what a typical SAT essay test instruction is:
As you read the passage below, consider how XXXXXX uses
- evidence, such as facts or examples, to support claims.
- reasoning to develop ideas and to connect claims and evidence.
- stylistic or persuasive elements, such as word choice or appeals to emotion, to add power to the ideas expressed.
Passage follows. Then additional instructions are given for the writing of the essay:
Write an essay in which you explain how XXXXXX builds an argument to persuade his audience that xxx should be preserved. In your essay, analyze how XXXXXX uses one or more of the features in the directions that precede the passage (or features of your own choice) to strengthen the logic and persuasiveness of his argument. Be sure that your analysis focuses on the most relevant features of the passage.
Your essay should not explain whether you agree with XXXXXX claims, but rather explain how XXXXXX builds an argument to persuade his audience.
Somehow you began reviewing for the wrong test. I strongly advise that you change the manner of your review otherwise, you do not stand a chance of passing the SAT essay test section.
@Holt
I start SAT classes next moth but i was prepearinng on my own with the official SAT study guide. I suppose its an old eddition because there its explained in entirey diffrent manner and i see some inconsistencies in some other parts too but i didnt knew that about the essay.
Thank you for reading my first and unconforming attempt though. I really appreciate your answer. You opened my eyes!
Best wishes!
@TatyanaMileva
I think you need to have more simple sentences. Using the words correctly is very important. You should learn what the structure must be for essays.
your essay is pretty good..
@TatyanaMileva
I like this essay but, there is some grammar mistakes. English is not your native language though, so it s understandable. I recommend having a teacher look over it and check over your grammar mistakes! :)
