More countries are opening their doors to welcome more tourist

Question: International tourism has become cheaper and more countries are opening their doors to welcome more tourist. What are the benefits and the drawbacks?
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The advantages and disadvantages of tourism industry

Today, tourism industry has become cheaper and trigger several countries to open their region for more tourism journeys. This issue possibly contains merits and demerits toward the country itself, which those will be elaborated more by this essay.

Currently, majority of countries have computed certain sector, particularly tourism industry, which contributes significantly to national income. Moreover, a number of developed countries are prioritizing this industry as the core of their economy. It is happened because this industry can elevate public income by several ways. For example, it could potentially boost productivity of local handicrafts and resorts which are provided by local community. Therefore, they would possibly earn more income and enhance job opportunity directly, then these will contribute to national income indirectly.

Turning to the drawbacks, the development of tourism industry sometimes causes negative impact, such as related to property ownership domination and local identity aspect. Firstly, this industry could perhaps become a threat to local citizen, if the industry is uncontrollable by enhancement of comers investment. Today, certain region well-known as tour place have been dominated by foreigner investment, such as coast area with its beautiful beach, highland area with its enjoyable landscape, or even farming field which is converted as an interesting resort. Thus, the property ownership will change over from local citizen to the investor. Secondly, this industry might possibly make the local identity worse. For example, traditional dance which just become an entertainment will reduce the sense correlated with its local wisdom.

Based on elaboration above, the development of tourism industry which become cheaper today should be considered comprehensively to gain more benefits and reducing the drawbacks.

Hello. I think that your vocabulary is good but the structure of the essay is not very well. You should say more things in the conclusion like in the introduction but with other words. This part of your sentence isn't properly writter ,, and trigger several countries to open " doesn't sound very well. :)

@plamchiiii
Thx.. I'll check your writing..

Ahmad, your opening paraphrase does not qualify as a complete paragraph. You rushed the presentation of the discussion topic and instructions. In order to gain a proper TA score, you must make sure that you are within the present parameters for the opening statement. Those parameters are:

1. An accurate restating of the discussion topic
2. An accurate explanation of what the discussion requirements of the essay prompt is / are.

Therefore, the correct paraphrase for your essay is:
As international tourism becomes more affordable, countries across the globe are welcoming international tourists. While there are benefits to be had due to this increase in international tourism, there are still some drawbacks presented. This essay will make a representative discussion of the benefits and drawbacks of international tourism.

While your discussion is acceptable, you neglected to properly close the essay as your concluding statement had additional information for the reader. A proper concluding sentence simply summarizes the previous discussion, without any additional information presented. This is a standard essay writing rule because the concluding paragraph does not offer the opportunity to build up the essay discussion any further.

@Holt
Thx for your feedback, your comment about introduction is true, I feel difficult to deliver the topic into my intro., sometimes I need much time to do it. Any suggestion for this?