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Children raised in the countryside have better than those from urban areas?


pier 11 / 37 9  
Oct 18, 2017   #1
It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.

opportunities for a child



When it comes to the issue of whether it is better for children to grow up in the countryside or in a big city, people's opinion differs based on their view on life. Some prefer to take back their children from pollution and all the crowd exists in city life, while others find merits in growing up their children in the city. Personally, I completely disagree with growing children in a countryside because by living in city children can use better educational facilities and learn modern communication skills effectively.

Education has a major part in the children's success and this cannot be achieved without good schools and universities. Most good schools and universities are located inside or near cities. As a result, without living in a city, it would be very difficult for a child to access these institutes. For example, many good universities in the United States like MIT, Stanford and Georgia Tech are in cities. Moreover, without a good education, there is a high chance that he or she becomes unemployed in the future. So by living growing up in a city, he has the chance to build his or her future.

On the other hand, people should have effective social and communication skills to find a good job. Those who live in countryside mostly don't have such skills. When a child grows up in a city, he has to talk with many people during the day. He also has the opportunity to attend classes to learn communication skill like Center For Communication skills in our city. On the other hand, using the learned communication skill he or she can find a job easier, as many companies need a person who can strongly talk with its customers.

In summary, growing up in a city provides many opportunities and enhancement for a child. These facilities can ensure his working future and that's why I am opposing growing up a child in the countryside.

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Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4770  
Oct 19, 2017   #2
Behzab, your essay is very strong in terms of discussion points. These are well threshed out, presented, and completed developed to the point where I can safely say that your reasoning and examples are strong and will provide you with an excellent consideration for the C&C, LR, and GRA sections of the band score. However, your opening statement was weakened by your inaccurate portrayal of the original prompt requirement. You have to remember that you are not given the privilege of beginning the discussion, or presenting relevant information in this particular paragraph. Aside from delivering an accurate representation of the original prompt, you are not allowed to do much in this portion. The first half of your opening statement is faulty because of the immediate discussion of the prompt. However, your latter portion was more attuned to the requirements, with just one problem. This is not an "extent" essay. It is only a simple "agree or disagree" essay. That means, the "completely disagree" statement is misplaced. You should have only referred to a simple "disagreement" with the given original statement.
Hannielee 1 / 3  
Oct 19, 2017   #3
Hi Pier,
1. I think it is better to write "... better educational facilities and effectively learn modern communication skills " (adv+ noun)

2. ... without good schools ... Most good schools ... many good universities ... a good education => I think you repeat "good" too many times. It's better to replace by some other words such as appropriate, high quality, excellent, etc.

Moreover, "children to grow up in the countryside" can be replaced by "Children spend their childhood in the countryside" to avoid repeating words.
Countryside may sometimes be replaced by "rural"

3. "As many companies may need an employee who can strongly communicate with their customers" (use "their" not "it" because you use many companies at the beginning. And "communicate" is more advanced than "talk", moreover, you can avoid repeating "talk" because you have already used above lines.

Goodluck ! :)


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