A school has been given money to spend on one thing to improve the school.

Hi! I started learning English two years ago and my skills are not good at all. However, I have to pass TOEFL in a month for education abroad.

I will write essays every day and, please, help me to improve this skill. I would like to get detailed fixes. Thank you!
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A school has been given money to spend on one thing to improve the school. Do you think it is better to spend the money on organizing social activities for students to participate in after school hours, or on improving the quality of the food served in the cafeteria?

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
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food served issues at schools

In today's world, a school always tries to provide all needs of their students, but it is often difficult to decide which areas they should spend money on. Some people believe that it is important to fund the organization of social activities after school hours, while others feel that it is preferable to prioritize food served issues. From my perspective, quality of food in cafeteria plays a significant role than social activities. I feel this way for two reasons which I will explore in the following essay.

To begin with, nutritional problems are a more urgent concern than issues surrounding the public activities. The last ones can be organized by teachers as extra classes for free or even discussed during the lessons. Therefore, the cafeterias need finance to provide low-fat and vegetarian lunch options to accommodate the governmental nutrition guidelines. Poor conditions at canteens and less-balanced food can cause several numbers of diseases, such as obesity and diabetes. The changes of the food's taste have made many students be obsessed with fast food and school cafeterias keep selling it instead of making a healthy meal. For example, lots of surveys among the students around the world show that they are not satisfied by food made in school cafeterias because of the lack of healthy or fresh ingredients and sanitary conditions. Besides, two things that were mentioned most were the quality and taste. This means that schools generally need to fund their cafeterias to improve the sort of the meal, which is a vital source of energy.

What is more, the nutrition at school is very expensive, despite many drawbacks and the quality, which does not match the price. Doubtless, it is unfair to pay for a cold pizza, undercooked patties or hamburgers, and brown lettuce, which sounds even nasty. For instance, in my school's cafeteria always has been sold poorly made food for a great price. Parents of students had to write a petition against. As a result, the principal has taken action, and he has set down rules that prohibit these foods in the school.

In conclusion, I feel that if the school is forced to make a choice, it should choose to improve cafeterias rather than the social activities. The arguments I have presented suggest that food served issues are a more pressing concern and the school is obligated to feed pupils with healthy food.

Laura, I think you have not been properly briefed as to how to write the opening statement of a TOEFL test. You have an incorrect representation of what the opening statement requires because you kicked off the discussion without first familiarizing your audience with the topic for discussion. Let me show you an example of the expected presentation for this essay:

An educational institution has been given the financial opportunity to improve its performance but can only choose between two areas for improvement. One area for improvement is the ability of the academy to improve is after school activities. The other option, is to develop better food conditions in the student lunchroom. In this essay, I will discuss why it will be better for the school to use the money on making food choice and presentation improvements.

You must make sure that your opening statement varies enough in presentation that the examiner will not think that you only plagiarized your content presentation. You can do this by using various keywords and synonyms throughout the paragraph that will help you keep the essence of the original presentation in a manner that better depicts your English writing abilities.

Now, while you do have a decent grasp of the English language, you do not have any actual background in the scoring considerations for the TOEFL test. One of the considerations is that you are capable of expressing yourself in complete 5 sentence paragraphs. Keeping on focus and not over discussing a topic in a single paragraph. As you can see from your current work, you made that unconscious error. I am saying it is "unconscious" because I believe you are reviewing alone and do not have any professional help while you try to review for the test.

Pick only 3 reasons to support your point of view and discuss these within 3 paragraphs. Then write the conclusion in a manner that still strongly supports your discussion. You did a pretty good job of doing that in this essay. It can still be improved but that is something that you slowly fall into as your writing skills improve.