The diagram shows the changes at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950

transformations at West Park Secondary school

The maps illustrate the transformation of areas surrounding West Park Secondary school in a 60-year period.
Overall, school area was enlarged main while playground was contracted in the same period. In addition, big chances were witnessed in other fractures including houses, car park, farmland, science block and sports field.

As was shown in the maps, main road which is next to school was not change in period surveyed. In contrast, house was replaced with car park and science with similar size. School to the right of the houses was extended in 1980 and was remained through 30 years later.

In 1980, sports field was constructed right on the site where the farmland used to be. However, Car park increased in size and took whole area of old sports field in 2010. Subsequently, a part of playground which was in the right bottom was corner was used to built a new sports field. Therefore, there was a decline in terms of size of the playground.

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Tran, the overview summary is meant to help you write a better essay. It is there so that you can properly outline the illustrations provided, which then allow you to develop a better discussion for your analysis. If you look at what you wrote in the opening summary, you are lacking most of the important information for outlining in the essay. What is missing? Let me list it down for you:

1. You misidentified the drawings as maps. These are actually illustrations.
2. Aside from saying "over a 60 year period", you must indicate the years included in the illustrations.
3. You also need to indicate what you will be doing in the essay (comparisons, discussions, explanations, etc.) so that the purpose of the diagram will become known to the reader who does not have access to the information you were provided.

4. Your trending information is using the wrong English vocabulary which made the presentation hard to understand. (chances = changes, contracted = constructed, fractures = infrastructures)

You need to understand that you cannot just throw information into your analytical essay without making clear what years you are referencing and how it interrelates across the given years. I think the better format for your essay paragraphs would have been:

1. Summary overview and trending paragraph
2. Describe the school in 1950, prepare a transition sentence going into 1980.
3. Discuss the school in 1980, prepare the reader with a lead in sentence going into 2010.
4. Explain the changes in 2010

That makes the presentation clearer and easier to understand because it follows a chronological order of presentation for the reader to follow.