Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3


A recent movement in education has been called "Back to Basics." Current curriculum controversy.


sungin115 2 / 2  
Mar 2, 2018   #1
A recent movement in education has been called "Back to Basics." Its proponents argue that the curriculum should concentrate only on reading, writing, and mathematics skills and completely ignore such courses as sociology, art appreciation, and drama. Imagine that you are a school principal faced with the task of making policy for your school. Present your argument(s) either for or against "Back to Basics."

Current curriculum controversy



Recently, a journal published that high school graduation rate in California is around sixty percent. However, that of the U.S. is not near fifty percent over the country based on the statistics shown in the press. This shows students need to improve more studying skills in main subjects: English and mathematics. Therefore, I agree the movement "Back to Basics" for students' benefit.

To begin with, students can have deeper and wider knowledge based on fundamental foundations; reading, writing, and mathematics. Basic knowledge helps students expand their learning by applying it to more advanced study. If sixth grade students couldn't learn multiplication well, they accordingly have trouble with learning division, fraction and proportion. Kevin, 11th grade student, is preparing for taking SAT. He has difficulty with math part since he is not good at it. He hasn't liked math and hasn't been good at it since 2nd grade. Undoubtedly, he has had low grade in math since then. What if he practiced Arithmetic operations more? What if he loved number to add, subtract, multiply, and divide more? Apparently, it is that for him to practice SAT in math will be easier than now.

Secondly, there are a lot of Immigrant students in schools. As shown in study, many pupils from immigrant family couldn't be successful to their school work, hardly going to college. It proves that lack of fundamental knowledge hard to lead students to a successful future. As an immigrant graduate school student myself, I've always felt uncomfortable whenever I need to read, listen, and speak in English. How much more writing in English? Even I got high education, learning English over ten years, still I am not confident. Definitely, I could not get a well paid job due to my lack of fluency in communicating with people in English in the U.S. There are so many immigrants who serve a job in restaurants, gas stations, and body shops which don't need a high education diploma. If I were fluent in English, I am sure that I will have better life than now I have.

Thirdly, students study hard for having better future to enjoy their life. Suppose that someone can't read books well. This person might go to see a popular movie based on published best seller book but can't enjoy reading the book, understanding between the lines. Suppose that someone is in cashier job. If this one is not good at math, arithmetic operations, he or she might not like to go to work and be in stressful since the chance of making mistakes going around him or her always. Building up basic knowledge can strongly lead you to have a room for adding sociology, art appreciation, and drama.

In conclusion, "Back to Basics" is not old fashion movement but very essential for students' benefit. By building up the fundamental knowledge, students can have more advanced learning. Also, they can have better life to go to college or get a better occupation. Finally, they might enjoy sociology and appreciate art and drama. As Korean saying goes," The house built on the rock is way stronger than built on sand."
Ebbie1 - / 2 2  
Mar 5, 2018   #2
@sungin115 Well, since you already made it clear that you aren't fluent in English, I understand your grammatical errors.
Here are a few I corrected:
foundations:(colon not semi-colon is better grammatically since you are listing) reading
Kevin an 11th grade student is preparing to take the SATs.
he has had difficulty in Math since his 2nd grade which results in his low scores(this is more grammatically apt)

What if he was taught to add, subtract....more?
Understandably (not apparently), it will be easier for him to get higher grades in Math with increased attention on Mathematics.....
immigrant families(plural)
immigrants who (have jobs as ...)
successful in(not to)
...it proves that...(please edit this sentence)

since you already said as an immigrant graduate school student..(no point adding myself)
Even (though) I got...
..I am still not confident (consider reversing like I just did)

than I have now(consider reversing like I did)

based on (a) published...

Merge suppose that someone can't read well with the second sentence: it will give you something like this: suppose that someone can't read well and decidesto /goes to watch a ....

can't enjoy reading the book because because they do not understand the concept between the lines(something like this - i'm rushing right now)

suppose that someone has a cashier job (merge this sentence with second sentence) : someone has a cashier job and is not good at Math..

... he or she might not like to go to work because the chances of making mistakes at work may be high.

..is not (an) old fashioned

as (the) Korean saying...

consider merging this sentence (...more advanced learning and also, they can...)

Instead of using finally, I would say 'In the future/in the long run.

your essay points are strong, but your grammar is countering your strength.

I'm sorry I can't include more on your pros but correcting the flaws I believe is much better more useful.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4772  
Mar 8, 2018   #3
@sungin115 I am going to review this as an actual research paper and not an English grammar exam since you did not indicate which of the 2 you are trying to accomplish here. I will assume the more obvious "research paper" angle because of your given format. The first mistake in this essay is that you are not discussing the "movement" as indicated in the prompt but rather a "research" in some publication that you did not even mention nor properly cite in this paper. That change from "movement" to research" shows that you did not understand the prompt explanation provided. There is a big difference between a "research journal publication" and a "movement'. The latter being more public opinion based instead of academic based. That is why the discussion of your essay does not seem to accurately align itself with the prompt expectations. In fact, I do not understand why you are calling the "Back to Basics" an old fashioned movement as that is not indicated in the prompt. It is a new movement and as such, should not be given such a description in your essay. Make sure you understand the full prompt before you start writing. Otherwise, you create an excellent paper, as you did here, which doesn't really respond to the prompt you were provided.


Home / Writing Feedback / A recent movement in education has been called "Back to Basics." Current curriculum controversy.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳