Hey Guy!
I am applying for the MS of Accounting at Bentley. They require two essays and this is one of them. Suggestions on grammars, structurer, general comments, any thing will help.
Thank you so much and I'd love to return the favor!
Describe the career that you would like to pursue after earning a graduate degree. Address issues such as whether you are entering the business world for the first time, changing fields, or advancing in a field or organization where you expect to remain. Why have you chosen this particular career?
My pursuit of a MS in Accountancy started with the Advancing Justice Business Clinic that I initiated at Asian American Civic Association in partnership with the City of Boston and Ropes&Gray to provide free legal and business consultation to minorities and low-income families, which is recognized by the Mayor of Boston. Through this project, I came to realize that there is such a big demand coming from the underrepresented groups for legal and business help. Because of lack of designated resources and ineffective communication of existing resources, immigrants and other under representative groups are facing multiple obstacles in establishing their own businesses, one of them being that they don't even know where to start. Professional legal and business consultation is important for them to take the first step. Immigrants come to the U.S. with an American Dreams. And it's nothing related to washing dishes in Chinese restaurants, working in Dunkin Donuts or standing longer hours as a waitress. They deserve to be a business owner just like anyone else in the U.S.. I feel that, I sympathize with that and I want to contribute my effort.
I worked in the private sector as a paralegal in a law firm and an intern in a technology company before I entered the public sector. Two years of public sector experience has given me a different mentality and shaped me into whom I am. I appreciate the experience in the private sector, It has hugely improved my ability to work under high pressure, multitasking as well as putting knowledge into practice. However, the public sector experience including being working at AACA, State House, District Court as well as my two months experience as a volunteer in India, has taught me how to be compassionate with people, how to stay open-minded and understanding, and most importantly to care. Because of my experience in the public sector and private sector, I would envision myself as a bridge connecting the public sector and the private sector in the future.
Accounting is not unfamiliar to me. I am interested in keeping books for my expenditures since I was a child and I opened an online store when I was in middle school. I also acted as an assistant account when I was in college. I took Microeconomics at UCLA as a visiting student and I got a score of 98 out of 100 in the Financial Mathematics class in my college. Last year, I decided to take one step forward by taking the Financial Accounting class at Harvard Extension School. I felt in love with the course because it shares a similar mindset with law: detail-oriented, pragmatic and interesting.
After completing the Masters in Accounting at Bentley University, I plan to work in consulting firms either in China or the U.S. to reinforce the knowledge I learn and build up my practical skills in accounting. Within one year of graduation, I will pass the CFA exam. In 10 years from graduation, my goal is to be an expert in accounting. My ultimate goal is to establish my own firm to provide legal and business service to minorities and low-income families.
Yongyi, there is nothing correct about the essay that you wrote. It does not reflect the response that the prompt requires. You gave a rundown of your work experience in the essay instead of depicting the kind of work that you see yourself doing in the future. The reviewer is not interested in your previous work experience. So you should not be presenting it in this essay. Only the latter part of the written work somewhat answers the instruction. Take this portion of the essay and build on it:
After completing the Masters in Accounting at Bentley University, I plan to work in consulting firms either in China or the U.S. to reinforce the knowledge I learn and build up my practical skills in accounting...
That provides an overview response to the prompt. All you have to do at this point is review the essay in accordance with the requirements you were given. Each sentence of the above paragraph actually gives an answer to the question posed. All you have to do is expand upon each sentence, developing it into a paragraph long response each time.
