Hi, everyone
I want to apply for the master degree program of Erasmus Mundus, I am really fascinated with their curriculum plan. Hope you could help me correct this letter better, I appreciate any suggestion and critique. Please feel free to leave your message : )
(no more than one sheet )
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From the young age, "world peace" always could be one of my wishes at any wishing occasion, in spite of being teased for this naive thought, I know I may not be a superman to save the world, but entering the international organization like UNESCO may be possible. That is why I am interested to apply for DYCLAM program, being an individual of human being; I hope I could do more for the people. From such a small island, Taiwan, I am eager for joining the communities of cultural conservation and heritage studies over the world.
I graduated from the Humanities and Social Sciences Department of National Tsing Hua University in 2014, majored in anthropology, minored in sociology. And I also studied anthropology, history, sociology and aesthetics as my interests. As a result, it was easy for me to engage interdisciplinary studies, interconnect various specializations. I am proud to assume that it is my most special and precious character to differ from other candidates. Besides, my work experience in college makes me acutely operate many fields of administration, listening to the real needs from the opposite, keeping empathy while facing hostility.
Once, my archaeology professor guided the class to Yuanshan heritage, which belongs to Neolithic. It was the first time I felt we are so close to heritage when he dig the ground by hand then picking up one piece of pottery just near the sidewalk at Yuanshan Park. Thousands of years of history buried underneath your feet, it was impressive and moving. Nevertheless, it was frustrating while TV broadcasted that Buddhas of Bamiyan was bombarded from Taliban, or ISIS sold ancient artifacts and destroyed cultural heritages. How could these heritages of the splendid civilization be demolished by offspring? Due to my discipline of archeology, I knew that contrast to the spiritual elements, the substance of human being represents more directly relevant to living of people, and it needs the process of long-term accumulation, and then appears the historical meaning and value. I hope I could join your crew to protect them from the ruins (the wars, the religious conflicts, the exploitations, and so on).
I cannot wait for attending your course, although there may have some challenges among language, adaptation and fiercely dynamic environment, but for me, more challenging, more exciting. I want to be an expert in immaterial heritage studies (for this reason, I learnt Beijing opera and Kunqu opera). I am also fascinated with material relics. I would like to develop my vocation through your curriculum, face the worldwide issues, and enter the institutions in Europe. Finally, I will bring whole my experience back to my small island, Taiwan, help my nation build a stronger foundation of theories and practices in this field.
Hi there Chi-wei! Or Eric, if you prefer to be called that. :) I think you have a great start to your letter/ essay. I especially like the part about finding artifacts on a dig. I think that portrays a strong image. However, your essay can definitely use some refinement. I'm not really sure it actually hits all of the notes it's supposed to in this type of essay. What are your professional and academic goals? Where do you want to work after your studies? How do you plan to apply what you have learned back in your home country? What makes you stand out from other applicants? What knowledge and skill shave you gained in previous academic/ work experiences that make you a good candidate? What are your strengths? Your accomplishments and accolades?
Hi, Katheryn
In fact, you can call me "Kiwi" :)
Thanks for your review, there are so many unsolved problems I should deal with. In my essay, there is lack of the description about my academic achievement and career plan, isn't it?
I will try a lot to add some sentences, delete some, and then I will post underneath this thread, hope you could help me again at that time. :)
Could you explain your proposal again? I am not so sure what you mean......
However, your essay can definitely use some refinement. I'm not really sure it actually hits all of the notes it's supposed to in this type of essay
Million thanks!
Hi Kiwi! I meant to say that I think that you are lacking some of the things traditionally included in an SOP. The questions I included are some things to think about that are generally included in these kinds of statements. If you still have questions, let me know.
Hey guys,
I add some sentence and delete some, tomorrow is my deadline to send out this essay, I try a lot but still struggle in my awkward article...
Please help me correct or give some suggestions, it is very useful for me.
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NEW content is emphasized in blue.
On top of that, my work experience in college makes me acutely operate many fields of administration; communication is what I am really good at, listening to the real needs from the opposite, and keeping empathy while facing hostility.
Nevertheless, it was frustrating while the TV broadcasted how the Taliba and the ISIS bombarded and destroyed those cultural heritages.
Besides fascinated with material relics, being an expert in immaterial heritage studies is one of my goals, for this reason, I learnt Beijing opera and Kunqu opera when I was exchange student in Beijing. I would like to develop my vocation through your curriculum.
I hope to take partin heritage research and preservation in Europe, working in the UNESCO.If I would be enough professional in the future, I will bring whole my experience back to my small island, Taiwan, to help my nation build a stronger foundation of theories and practices in this field. Further, I can utilize my linguistic superiority to enter the Chinese field, there are also many endangered heritage necessary to preserve and research.
Hi Kiwi, it was a pleasure to read your essay. Minor corrections from my side. Good luck for your application.
....UNESCO will helpme make ...... Being a human, being myself, inspires me .......... administration; (Full stop here).C ommunication ........from the opposite(Can you write here what your opposite included? I think if you write others or people here that would be better if you don't have a particular name?)................... I wasan exchange student ..........
Hi, Sakshi
I am very appreciated to your help, but I wonder if you misunderstand my sentence?
Being a human, being myself, inspires me ...
I want to say
"human being" , myself is an emphasis, is it correct?
Being a human inspires me to do...............
No need to write human being, human is itself a complete word. This line itself is good, no need to add myself as what I see. Hope this helps :)
Hi, Sakshi
It did help! You save my awkward sentence.
:)
